


Out of the Sunshine

by Jessa



Series: Out of the Sunshine [1]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, finnlo - Fandom
Genre: Alternate POVs, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anaphylaxis, Angst and Romance, Annoyance, Apprentice!Finn vibes, Astrology, Awkward Conversations, Awkward Flirting, Background relationships (reyrose), Breaking Up & Making Up, Broken families (Ben), Close-knit families (Finn), Coffee Shops, Complete, Conversations about death and the afterlife, Dating, Daydreams, Depression/Anxiety, Dom!Finn vibes, Dom/sub Undertones, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Language, Fairy Tale Elements, Falling In Love, Fighting gender stereotypes (Ben to Finn’s nephews), Finn has nephews (secondary characters), Finn is Experienced, First Aid, Fluff and Angst, Gender stereotypes (boys), HEA, Heartache, Height difference, Hero!Finn, Kissing, Laser Tag, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Male Bonding, Medical Emergency, Monogamy, Mythology - Freeform, NSFW, No Beta, Non-Explicit Sex, Oral Sex (implied), Photography, Pining, Praise Kink, References to Poetry, Romance, Same-sex marriage (reyrose), Sexual Content, Sexual Frustration, Strangers to Lovers, Switch vibes (Ben and Finn), Teacher!Ben, Uncle Ben Solo (Finn's nephews), Unemployment (Ben), Wedding (background reyrose), anal sex (implied), ben solo is a scorpio and finn is a pisces (my headcanon), ben solo is a virgin, blow jobs at the drive-in (non-explicit), child (secondary character), conversations about safe sex (implied), desire in the supermarket, extreme making out, fights about ridiculous things that are actually stand-ins for emotional dissatisfaction, finnlo, implied erections (non-explicit mentions), implied poverty (secondary character), love notes (Ben to Finn), medical procedure (adrenaline shot), negative self-talk, princess!Ben/Kylo, prompt fills, references to alcohol (social and binge drinking), references to pornography (ben and finn), safe sex (implied), short reads, soulmates but this is not a soulmates AU (just filling the prompt), spirituality, sub!Ben, writersmonth2019
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-31
Updated: 2019-08-30
Packaged: 2020-07-27 10:44:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 31
Words: 25,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20044696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jessa/pseuds/Jessa
Summary: Modern Finnlo strangers-to-lovers AU with truckloads of fluff and angst. Written in response to all the prompts set by @writersmonth on Tumblr (2019). Ben is unemployed and Finn is a Retail Manager and they're both looking for something. But sometimes in order to understand what you've already got, you've got to get out of the sunshine.So out of the sunshine / And into the Ice Age / Just remember me / When it’s all frozen over / When everything is frozen / And everyone is dying / Just remember me- Tyrannamen (Ice Age, 2016, Static Shock Records)





	1. Annoyance

**Author's Note:**

> **Summary for the Chapter:**

> In response to Day 1: Annoyance.

Ben cuts the engine. It takes a huge effort. Sometimes he can sit here and listen to that song on repeat for countless minutes when mornings begin like this one did, in the afternoon, because lately Ben’s been oversleeping. With another huge effort he leaves his car and makes his way inside the grocery store.

He starts in Aisle One. Searches the shelves for a half-empty box, unpacks it, then slowly makes his way around, loading the box with only what he needs. Coffee in Aisle Two. Juice in Aisle Three. Apples in the market section, beer in the licensed annex. And Ben only ever side-eyes the lube in Aisle Four, never picks it up. But he does know that he would pick it up. If he had a good enough reason.

He always ends up in Aisle Five, which is freezing, lined with lidless refrigerators all pumping out super-chilled air all the day and night long. As though nobody could or would ever need to worry about things like being wasteful with finite resources like the coal-fired power that runs these energy-inefficient things, and that annoys Ben. It’s probably slowly killing him, killing them all. Frogs slowly boiling in a bathtub. 

But the chill of Aisle Five makes Ben feel alive - present - and for a minute he forgets about his fucked-up planet and his forlorn body, his anxious head and his lonely heart, and he just feels present as gooseflesh forms on the bare skin of his forearms, exposed to the chill by the short sleeves of his worn black _ Tyrannamen _ t-shirt.

Calmly, carefully, Ben leans down and reaches inside the depths of the freezer for the last thing he needs today in the store - a four-pack of frozen meat pies - and as his fingers close mindfully around the frigid edges of the cardboard packaging all hell seems to break loose on the floor of the aisle behind him.

“I’m so sorry!”

“It’s alright, ma’am…”

“I’ve made such a mess!”

“Nothing to worry about...”

“So clumsy… Stupid, stupid thing!”

There’s sobbing as well now and Ben straightens up, the box of frozen pies still held in his hand as he watches a well-groomed man with an urbane air comfort a fraught-looking woman stood beside a jar of smashed gherkins, her lumpy shopping bag in a pile between her shoes on the vinegar-smeared linoleum floor.

“Now, don’t you fret,” the man says, gently. “Accidents happen...”

After she recovers, and he ushers her onwards with a fresh jar of gherkins, the man returns to the aisle and he looks towards Ben. Looks him right in the eye, and Ben looks right back, and they stare at each other for a moment.

“Can I help you with that?” the man asks.

“No. I can carry this fine. I’m not about to drop it.”

“Well, I certainly wasn’t implying at all that you were, I’m sorry. You sure look strong enough to me from here, and those hands sure look... capable.”

Ben lowers his eyes, dumps the pies in his box and hustles for the registers, no longer feeling calm or careful as an image of the lube in Aisle Four swims to the fore of his mind. He blinks it away and glares at the pies, moving up the grimy grey conveyer.


	2. Hurt/Comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In response to Day 2: Hurt/Comfort.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I'm really creative with these titles atm but I'm just keeping it simple for now in an effort to actually do 31 reads in 31 days ;)

“Hey, Mister Finn. Good morning to you.”

“Oh, shoot, I forgot to bring it out with me, George… Sorry, man.”

“S’okay... Lookin’ down today, Mister Finn, somethin’ up?”

He sighs. The eleven o’clock huddle hadn’t gone well which was strange, because things like that really should go well. Things like that help build team morale, and they’re also kind of fun, huddles, aren’t they? Like what teams do in sports. 

“I’m okay,” Finn says, because it’s probably almost fifty percent true, although at least he’s not camped out here in the cold behind a cardboard sign like George is. But Finn thinks in general that George is okay today. “Hey, um… I’ll just go in and grab it for you, man. One minute, yeah?”

“Yeah, Mister Finn.”

Maybe it’s just the fact that Finn’s still relatively new to the job of Managing in this particular grocery store - and perhaps the cultures between stores are a lot more different than he ever expected - but huddles used to be a thing everybody looked forward to at his old store, he’s sure, so why not here? Is he just getting old? Out of touch? Maybe he should organise some laser tag instead.

“Hey, do you sell papers?”

“No, mate,” Finn says, in answer to a twitchy, high-school-aged kid’s question, who doesn’t look at all like he’s there to buy a newspaper, or indeed anything else; kid looks like a shoplifter. “Something else I can help you with, though?”

The twitchy kid leaves the store without another word and Finn smiles wryly as he collects a damaged carton of tuna and beans, and a bottle of juice missing a label from the box of unsellables tucked away in a crate beneath Register Two. He takes them outside to George.

“Hey! Ta, Mister Finn...”

While George eats lunch outside in the gutter Finn toes the concrete. His mind drifts back to the laser tag idea and he looks up for a moment, hopeful again, and suddenly he’s face to face with the guy with the hands from yesterday.

“Oh, sorry,” Finn says, stepping aside to let him pass.

The guy with the hands moves the same way, and then they both switch feet, still blocking each other’s paths but not on purpose. Finn laughs.

“Alright, I’ll stop. And you’ll go when I say, yeah? Ready... _Go_.”

They both remain stopped. Finn sighs.

“Look,” he levels, “To be honest with you, I’m just out here to take a break for a minute, you know? Just need some air… Just for a minute. I’m not going anywhere yet.”

“You okay?”

“Yeah, nah,” Finn says, toeing the concrete again. “But I will be. Like I said, I just need a minute...”

“I don’t think I’ve seen you around here before… Before yesterday.”

“Well, I only started here last week... But I’m not always out on the floor... Do you come here to shop everyday? I haven’t seen you around here before, either.”

“Most days I come here to shop, yeah.”

“Cool.”

“So... Why aren’t you out, then?”

“What?”

“On the floor? You the Manager or something?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m the Manager. I’m the Manager of the store.”

“Oh. Okay. So, you like that, then? Like Managing stores?”

“Well, yeah I guess. I mean, I like Managing _ people _... Helping people, talking to people... That’s Managing, you know? Meeting people… Meeting new people...”

The guy with the hands is still stopped and that reminds Finn of yesterday. How this guy hustled past him at the end of a silent stare that was just about as long as this one has extended to now. Maybe longer.

“Hey… Listen, man, I’m sorry if I made you feel awkward at all yesterday, you know? Because you kind of hurried away, and… Well...”

“Do you like coffee?”

“Huh?”

“You know… _Coffee_. Do you like it?”

“Um… Yeah, sure. I like coffee.”

“Do you really?”

“No,” Finn admits. “But I do like tea. Really like tea.”

“Tea?”

“Yeah. You know, like Chai tea. Do you know that kind of tea?”

“Yeah, I know that kind of tea,” the guy with the hands bristles. “I’m not an idiot.”

“I’m not saying you are.”

The guy with the hands shifts his eyes from Finn, to the door of the store, and Finn steps aside again, and for the second time in as many days he watches his broad back walk away. And Finn wonders to himself what it would be like to run his palms down that broad back’s bare expanse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should add that 'eleven o'clock huddles' really do exist. A couple of weeks ago I was grocery shopping and two employees in the shop were talking about what they'd talk about during the one they were having that morning, and I could hardly write the term down fast enough.


	3. Coffee Shop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In response to Day 3: Coffee Shop AU

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really enjoyed writing this chapter. Just took the coffee shop idea from the prompt, like yesterday (didn't use the trope bit) but I think lateral interpretations of these prompts will get this fic done! lol

Ben loosens the finished knot again and pulls roughly at his synthetic tie, whipping the cheap fabric from his neck once more and pacing away from the coffee shop. Down the pavement of the high street, frustrated anew that his fingers just won’t do what he wants them to this morning. In this bitter cold. He’s too nervous this early, didn’t sleep well. And it’s an ugly thing anyway, why’d he ever think...

“Looked good to me.”

Ben spins around. The grocery store Manager is watching. The U of a D-lock in one hand, the shackle in the other, and the bicycle’s crossbar still snug between his thighs as he balances there, poised for something on the pavement. Ben’s not quite sure yet what it is but he finds himself staring as always, his gaze this time caught halfway between the crossbar and the thighs. And Ben reacts, just as always, in the only way he really knows how at times like this. When he can’t quite pinpoint how he feels.

“What the fuck are you doing here? Are you _ following _ me or something?”

“No,” the Manager squares, and motions with the shackle to the apartment block across the street. “I live over there, man, I’m on my way to work. I cycle because it’s close, so just calm down, okay? I’m not following you. I’m not attacking you. I just saw you over here and now I’m talking to you because I’ve watched you try to put on that thing four times or something already. And every one of those times, if I may say so, that tie has looked good on you. Okay? You look good in that tie.”

Ben gapes at him. “You do not live over there, you’re lying. Just like you lied to me yesterday.”

“What? I did no such thing to you yesterday, mate, sheesh...”

Ben takes a step towards him but the Manager doesn’t lean back. Instead he throws a thigh over the crossbar, grips the bike by its stem and takes a step towards Ben.

“Yes, you did so lie,” Ben mumbles, narrowing his eyes but fascinated by the Manager’s approach, because the Manager is taking another step towards Ben now. “You lied to me about liking coffee.”

Ben hasn’t stopped thinking about it because it took Ben a lot of effort to ask the Manager if he liked coffee yesterday, and Ben felt like a moron when the Manager said that he preferred tea. Ben shakes his head. Trying to return. Trying to calm. But also trying to make some kind of sense out of what he’s just heard.

“Wait… What? Did you just say that you live over there?”

“Yes, man, jeez… Yes, I live over there.”

“I live there, too.”

“What? Are you actually joking?”

”No.”

“Wow,” the Manager says, chuckling. "Just… Wow… Okay… Far out… So, like… Um... Well, really now, do you actually need some help with your tie, then? Because... I mean, well, neighbours should help each other out, don’t you think?”

Ben just stares.

“I’m good with ties, okay?” the Manager says, in a voice that to Ben sounds truthful, and even perhaps a little apologetic, maybe even empathetic. "I used to work in a formal wear store, formal wear hire. Just casual, but... Well, you know, you pick things up, like how to knot ties. Get good at things like that, and... Well… Other stuff too, I guess..."

“I keep fucking it up,” Ben mumbles.

“You don’t.”

“It won’t sit right.”

“Well… I mean, it’s just a tie, right? Do you really need to wear a tie today? Maybe you could not wear one today. I mean it does look real good on you, but… Well, you know…You looked nice yesterday without one. And the day before that, too. You looked real nice on that day, too. Without a tie.”

“I’ve got an interview,” Ben mumbles.

“Oh... What, you mean like… For a job?”

Ben nods.

“Oh… Oh, okay… So that’s why… Okay, then… Hey, um… I’m _Finn_, by the way,” the Manager says, as he takes one more step towards Ben, and Ben feels his tie slide from his fingers. And he lets the tie go. 

“I’m _Ben_,” Ben says, as he also lets Finn knot his tie, just before Ben takes a deep breath and walks inside the coffee shop, for his first job interview in nearly six months.


	4. Road Trip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For Day 4: Road Trip

Finn closes the front door.

“Great so far, sir. Just great. I love it there, love it. The store is great, and the people are great. We’ve even had our first team huddle already, and I guess there are still maybe just one or two very minor teething issues around team-building that I’d like to target, and get on over the top of in the next week…”

Finn skips the last stair and stops in the apartment block’s small, terracotta-tiled courtyard, listening through his phone to his boss.

“Absolutely, sir, yes. Yes. But there is no doubt whatsoever in my mind that those kinds of things are very minor and they will sort themselves right on out in time, and by this time next week we'll be talking about how great it was, that I did that, and just how much of a difference it made...”

Finn catches sight of Ben, and promptly drops the phone.

“Shoot…”

Ben’s wearing nothing but sweatpants. 

“I got the job,” Ben says, as they both reach down but Ben’s there first. They straighten up and Ben returns the phone to Finn, but the call’s gone dead. “Sorry… Was that important?”

“What are you doing out here?” Finn huffs. “Did you lock yourself out or something?”

“I’m fixing my bike,” Ben says.

“You’re fixing your bike now? With no clothes on? At seven o’clock in the morning in the Winter?”

“I’m wearing clothes. I’m wearing sweatpants.”

Finn sighs.

“Look… Man, I gotta go, I got a meeting…”

He looks down at the phone - the screen's cracked - and then he looks across at Ben’s bare chest again.

“Are you gonna ride your bike this morning? Finn?”

“Huh?”

Finn's eyes have caught again on the chest.

“Are you gonna ride your bike this morning?” Ben repeats.

“Ah… No... No, I never ride on Wednesdays when I have meetings at Head Office… I get the bus…”

“Oh.”

Somehow, then, Finn is able to lift his eyes to Ben’s face, because his voice seems to have turned a little sad and the longer Finn looks the more he suspects that yes, Ben is actually a little sad now.

“I have a car,” Ben’s murmuring.

Finn’s stomach does a tiny flip, even though he’s just accidentally hung up on his boss, damaged his work phone and is now spending so long down here in the courtyard he’s probably going to miss the bus and be late for the meeting at Head Office. But because Finn is sure by now that Ben does sound sad - does look sad - he puts all the other stuff aside for just a minute and says,

“Have you ever done a bike road trip?”

“Done a what?”

“A bike road trip. You know, it’s self-explanatory, a road trip with bikes. A bike road trip.”

“No,” Ben says. “I’ve never done that before.”

Ben’s cheeks flush just a little.

“Well, I know this spot by the river, see,” Finn says. “It’s real nice. Even now, in Winter, if it’s not raining it’s still real nice. Real pretty. It’s a perfect place to end up at the end of a bike road trip. And… Well, I keep seeing you around, Ben, and I’d like to see you around again some time...”

“I’d like to see you, too.”

“I’m glad you got the job, Ben.”

“I think they liked the tie.”

“Honestly, man, you could turn up in nothing, and they’d probably still give you a job. I know I would.”

Ben’s face flames and Finn turns around and walks to the gate, on his way out to the bus stop.


	5. Sound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For Day 5: Sound.

“Listen. And watch... _Ben_, wasn’t it? Are you watching as well, Ben? Make sure you’re watching as well.”

“I’m watching.”

He narrows his eyes and glares at her again. Is it all in his head? Does she keep taking pot shots at him or is this just her manner? Ben doesn’t normally mind being told what to do - he likes to be bossed - so it’s probably all in his head because in truth this morning he’s a little distracted. Nervous. Excited. A new job is one thing but he can’t seem to keep a hold of his eyes. Traveling as they are, every few seconds, out the window of the coffee shop. To the bike loop on the footpath, wondering if...

“Eyes here, Ben. On the spout.”

“They are on the spout, quit being such a...”

She spins the handle quickly and the shrill sound of hot air hissing through holes at the end of the steel nozzle on the coffee machine drown out the rest of his sentence. And it’s probably a good thing, too, because Ben did finish that sentence. But he’s only been here for forty-five minutes and that would absolutely hands down be a new record: fired before the first training hour is up.

“Can you hear that?”

“Hear what?”

“That. Good grief, mate, how did you get this job? Batting those eyelashes, was it? Sure as hell wasn’t demonstrating your skill making coffee, I’ll bet...”

“I wore a nice tie. Your Manager liked it.”

The woman who her Manager introduced him to as ‘Rey’ rolls her eyeballs so high Ben thinks they might have just scraped some of the flaking paint off the grungy ceiling.

“Whatever,” she sighs. “Now, for the millionth time, can you hear that? Can you hear that change in the sound of the milk as it froths?”

Rey stops speaking for a moment. Ben does as she says and listens, and he thinks he can hear it now: the sound of the passage of the steam through the milk has deepened markedly. It’s going through now at a slow roil and it's making the space around them smell different, almost like custard. Like childhood. Ben stares for a moment at the frothing milk, churning away in the silver container cupped on an angle to the spout in the palm of Rey’s hand. 

“And that’s it,” she says, as though she’s just done nothing more complex than blink. “You must stop there, at that point, and turn off the steam. Any more heat and the milk will burn so it’s very important that you stop. Have you got that, Ben?”

“Yeah, sure. Got it. Stop.”

Rey pours the frothed milk into a glass already containing a shot of coffee, pours cold milk back into the jug, hands it to Ben and steps aside.

“Okay, it's your turn now. Froth it.”

Several things happen then, in quick succession. The shop bell chimes as Finn walks through the door. Ben fumbles then drops the jug of cold milk in shock, and it lands on his shoes. The backsplash covers Rey’s black leggings, all the way up past her knees, and she gapes at Ben in horror and he looks away, as quickly as it's all just happened.

“Well, go on then, serve him, Ben, for god’s sake,” Rey berates, referring to Finn, who seems to be finding all this very funny, “While I go and clean up this mess... Of all the bloody things I have to put up with in this place… _Pretty boys_, honestly… When will that douchebag hire somebody other than me who can actually do something useful...”

“So it’s all going well so far, then, hey?” Finn says, still grinning.

“Are you being sarcastic?” Ben answers.

“Very.”

Ben huffs, feeling flustered. “Whaddaya want?”

“You know, that’s really not how you should speak to customers, Ben."

“Well, that's how I’m speaking to you.”

Finn raises his eyebrows. It's a very superior expression, and a very attractive one.

“Sorry,” Ben mumbles.

“That’s better,” Finn murmurs. 

“So, how may I help you, sir?”

Finn smiles. It’s a very attractive smile, and it makes Ben feel very pleased with himself. He thinks he likes Finn's approval.

“Actually,” Finn says. “I really only came inside to ask you about tomorrow... I usually go next door, Chai’s better, but don't go telling anyone here I said that... Are you free tomorrow? Or working again?”

“Well, if they let me come back, after what you just witnessed, I'm meant to,” Ben admits. “Two more hours in the morning. But after that I’m free.”

“Bike all fixed?”

“Yes.”

“Good job."

Ben feels pleased again. Now he knows he likes Finn's approval.

"So, bike road trip tomorrow, then?" Finn asks. "We could meet downstairs, at... Well... What time you finish here?”

“Ten o’clock.”

“Perfect,” Finn says, with a grin. “See you then.”


	6. Kids

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For Day 6: Kids

“Mister Finn!”

But Finn doesn’t hear George at first. He’s far too focused on getting out of here on time. He’s had this plan since early this morning, before he left the house. And the key to the D-lock has been ready in his hand since just before he walked out the door of the grocery store, moments ago. He’s planned a fast getaway, set up this window, and Finn can’t be late to meet Ben. But George is tugging on his sleeve now in the car park, very insistent, and still calling out, “Mister Finn!” 

“Hold on, man, I just gotta fly, but I’ll see you soon, George, alright? I just really gotta dash now, I’m sorry...”

“You need to come quickly. They’re all calling for you, see, over there? Can’t you hear ‘em? Because of the little girl...” 

Finn lets himself be turned around to face the shopfront again, and then he does see, very clearly now, a cluster of people just inside the door, and a girl - a really young kid - on the ground. And someone is racing for her and scooping her up and calling a name Finn supposes is hers, over and over again.

“Oh, shoot…”

He knows he’s never moved so fast across half a car park in his whole life.

“Does she have allergies or something?” Finn pants when he gets there, heart thumping in his chest, not from the distance - that’s only short and Finn is fit - just the adrenaline, coursing through his body now.

A man who’s about the same age as Finn, her father, doesn’t answer. Too caught up in the circumstance, the tiny kid in his arms, as limp as a doll. Supporting her head and stroking her swelling face. Muttering her name again, over the sound of her wheezing, which is increasing.

“I said _does she have allergies or something_?” Finn repeats, getting down in his face, needing an answer now, for the sake of the girl.

“I don’t understand…”

“Someone’s getting the kit…”

“Have we even got a pen?”

“Of course we have a pen…”

“Does anybody even know how to use it?”

Finn gapes at his team. “Does _anybody_? Are you all serious? _Everybody_ here should know how to use a freaking EpiPen. Don’t you people maintain your First Aid certificates in this store? My _god_…”

“First what?” someone says.

“First… _What_? Did you really just say _first what_, Gianni? Holy f... So not a single one of you has done a First Aid course?”

Blank expressions meet his disbelieving eyes, but the saving grace is that at least they know where the First Aid kit is, because somebody is passing it now to Finn, and he’s rummaging through it, still doing his best to keep a cool head.

“Hey, man, can you sit down with her for a minute while I do this, please?”

“Where?”

“Just here… Roberta, get that box… Sir, you’re gonna need to hold her ‘cause this is probably gonna hurt like hell, it’s a pretty big needle, I think...”

“Don’t hurt her…”

“It’s adrenaline, sir, it’s gonna save her life. Did she eat something?”

“We were trying the samples.”

“You were trying the what? We don’t have samples here, sir...”

“The stuff on the bench. The peanut things... My daughter really liked them, she had about six...”

“Are you kidding me? Oh my god… Gianni, tell me you did not put those peanuts out, after I specifically told you yesterday...”

Gianni gulps.

Finn yanks open the case of the pen so hard he almost tears the top off, just before he tips out the cylinder, checks the date and pulls off the blue safety cap.

“What do you need me to do?” the girl’s father asks, while Finn makes a fist around the pen.

“Um... Okay, upper thigh, the outside, just hold that for me steady. Okay, sir? It’s gonna be okay, this thing is in date... Are you ready?”

“I think so...”

Finn presses the orange tip to the girl’s upper, outer leg, and hears a click. He counts to three, removes the pen, then pulls out his phone.

“Ambulance… Ah... Girl in my store had a reaction, little girl… Kid... Anaphylaxis, I think… I gave her the shot… The pen... EpiPen...”

Finn turns to the father.

“How old is your daughter, sir?”

“Four and three months.”

“Did you hear that? Four and three months... Okay… Nah, adult one, that was the only one in there, that I could feel anyway… Yes... Yes, she is… Ah, well… Would have been not five minutes ago, um… I guess nine forty-five… Oh… You want me to wait here? Well, okay… Sure… Sure, no problem, I can wait here… Yeah, that’s fine… Yeah, I understand…. Okay, thank you… She’s breathing okay, yeah… Yeah, less wheezing now... Ah... Hang on... Sir, what is your daughter’s name? I’m gonna put you on the phone okay, until the paramedics get here...”

Two hours later, once the ambulance has left the grocery store, and once Finn is satisfied that all the employees out on the floor who witnessed the incident are okay. After he’s thanked George, and reassured the umpteenth customer that everything is totally fine now. After all that, there’s a sick kind of feeling inside Finn’s belly. Something is sinking.

But he tries anyway to still make it home, not in time at all, but Finn still tries. Even though he knows he's horribly late and when he arrives, back at the apartment, it’s well after midday. There is no sign of either Ben or his bike. They're both long gone. Finn sighs. Something has sunk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is all about severe allergic reactions, and what you can do if you think someone is having one: https://www.epipen.ca/en/about-epipen/when-to-use


	7. Sports

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For Day 7: Sports. Got pretty fluffy, I couldn't help it today.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t talk to me.”

“There was an emergency at work.”

“I said _don’t talk to me_.”

“Ben, I still really wanted to ride with you, I was outside, about to leave, and then it just happened. I had to go back. Can’t just walk away from a serious situation here at the store like that, I’m the Manager…”

“Great. Have a nice life, Managing people. I hope you get to save a whole bunch of other people real soon. And stand someone else up.”

“Who else am I gonna stand up, Ben?”

“I don’t know. You must meet a whole lot of people. Managing. Managers are wanted. A lot more wanted than unemployed people.”

“You’re not unemployed anymore. You got a job.”

“I quit.”

“You what?”

“I said _I quit_.”

“Why?”

“You saw what happened. It was humiliating. So just don’t talk to me, okay? I need to shop.”

“Well, what are you gonna do now? You need a job, don’t you? Do you wanna work here? I could find you something here.”

“I do not want to work with you. I don’t trust you.”

“Ben… Seriously, man, I’ve explained to you that I couldn’t help what happened yesterday. Please, will you just let it go?”

Ben adjusts the half-full box of groceries in his arms. He and Finn are stopped in Aisle Four, the one with the lube, and he was not thinking about buying that, he was thinking about buying toothpaste, but it’s really awkward to be stopped here now because it’s right there on the shelf in front of them both. And Ben has a choice: he could stare at that or he could stare at Finn. He stares at Finn.

“I don’t want another job,” he says.

“Why not?” Finn asks. “Do you get supported or something? Don't need to work?”

It takes an effort to say this aloud, but Ben does, very quietly.

“Sometimes my mother gives me hand-outs. I want to work, though, it’s just… Nevermind.”

“But I do mind,” Finn says, his voice soft, to match Ben’s. “What are you saying? That you’ve got, like… Hobbies, or something? A dream?”

Ben sighs. He looks down at the contents of the box of groceries, still in his arms.

“I don’t know what I’ll do yet, but I’ll think of something… Maybe sports. Maybe I could take up some sports, get fit you know? Meet somebody… Meet somebody who isn’t a Manager, too busy saving everybody else he hardly knows to-”

But that’s the last word Ben says about sports because right then Finn kisses him flush on the mouth and Ben stops talking. And it’s not a long kiss, and it’s not a slow kiss, it’s just one quick close-mouthed kiss, but it is flush on Ben’s lips. 

“You are fit,” Finn murmurs. “You are very fit and I have thought you were fit since the first day I saw you over there by the freezers. You are quite possibly the fittest and definitely the most infuriating man I think I might have ever hardly known… For god’s sake, I don’t even have your phone number… Haven’t asked you which apartment you live in yet… There’s so much about you I don’t know, but I… Ben, please will you just give me one more chance, and I swear to you that I will be there on time, I won’t stand you up. I’ll take the day off work tomorrow and we'll go.”

“Don’t do that, not for me,” Ben grumbles at first, but then he adds, “Could we maybe go at night time, though?”

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“You know, _night time_. When it’s _night_.”

“Are you saying _yes, _then? You will go?”

“If you stand me up again though, I'll-”

But before Ben has a chance to set the term, Finn's kissing him again.


	8. Colours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For Day 8: Colours

“_Awesome_.”

“_Apocalyptic_.”

Finn turns to Ben, who’s still looking up at the colours of sunset above them - they’re describing the colours of sunset that they can each see in the sky - and now that Finn is staring only at Ben, he can see different colours too, but a lot of the ones from the sky are still reflected in the view Finn has of Ben’s eyes. Warm colours.

“_Beautiful_,” Finn says, still looking over at all the warm colours in Ben’s eyes.

And beyond those eyes - beyond Ben’s face in profile - Finn can see the way those same honeyed hues from the sky make the grass look so golden it shouldn’t exist over there. It shouldn’t be here, with he and Ben, in a physical place Finn could walk to and touch if he wanted. Or where he and Ben could go over to together and lay down, just as they’re laying down here, beside each other on the concrete bank. 

This should be surreal - a world far away, like a dream or a movie, or a view someone saw once and painted - but it isn’t that at all, it’s real. They are finally really here, by the river. And Finn’s heart feels like it’s humming.

“_Boding_,” Ben’s saying, still looking up at the sky.

“That’s a good one,” Finn murmurs. “_Boding_… You’re good at this… Okay, so now do _ C_...” 

“_Catastrophic_.”

“I sense a theme,” Finn ribs, and begins to smile as he watches Ben turn his gaze on the catastrophic sky and meet his eyes beneath it. And Finn smiles even more.

“Why are you smiling like that?” Ben asks. “It does look catastrophic. It’s pretty in parts... But it’s like a bomb went off in those dark clouds, I think they might be rain.”

“I’m not saying it doesn’t look catastrophic,” Finn murmurs. “That’s not what I meant... Hey, Ben?”

“Yeah?”

“What star sign are you?”

“Oh no,” Ben groans. “Don’t start this sh-”

Finn laughs.

“I bet I can guess what you are.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“That you’re an open book.”

Ben snorts.

“You could not guess what I am, not ever. Not in a million years, Finn.”

“Something Water, I bet… Some kind of Water sign… You’re a Water sign, for sure… Bet you’re a Pisces.”

“Ah, _sucked in_ _badly_… I can’t believe you think I’m a Pisces, that’s so offensive...”

Ben chuckles, and Finn’s heart hums again because it’s a nice sound, and not one he’s heard yet in the short time he’s known Ben.

“Well, what are you then?” Finn asks. “Cancer?”

“Scorpio,” Ben says, the trace of a smile still in his eyes, and a look of triumph on his face.

“Mate, Scorpio is exactly the same as Pisces and Cancer, they’re all Water… I _ knew _ you were a Water sign...”

“It’s not the same at all… So what are you, anyway?”

“Pisces.”

Ben rolls his eyes and turns back to the sky, and Finn studies him again in profile, noticing this time the spaces between the moles on his skin, the stubble across his upper lip, and slowing around the outlines of the soft mouth he kissed yesterday in the store.

“Ben?”

“Hm?”

“Are you getting cold?”

“Little bit… Are you?”

“Little bit.”

The way Ben moves towards Finn then is just like a script, or something scripted. Like a thing they’ve rehearsed for many many weeks in advance of a play or performance. Nobody’s watching to see it, it’s far too cold out here by the river bank now, but that doesn’t matter to Finn. Nobody needs to see anyway. 

Finn moves inside the nook of Ben’s arm, nestles his head on his shoulder. He looks up at the sky again, the colours are gone. And there’s not much up there but the rain clouds now, with a star or two in between. But the warmth remains. Although Finn knows it’s not just confined to Ben’s eyes anymore.


	9. Time Travel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For Day 9: Time Travel. It's pretty lateral...! But I got there. It's also very fluffy, watch out XD

It took Ben a long time to unwind after that, in fact he hardly slept at all that night. They’d spent a long time down there by the river just talking and holding each other in the early night before riding home, locking their bikes up and kissing below the stairs. Different kissing to the kissing in the store they’d done yesterday, deep and hungry kissing. But after the kissing was over Ben had gone inside to bed, and Finn had let him go there alone. 

Another version of himself might have done something else. Another version of Ben would have fucked Finn. Would have taken that beautiful man beside him and not let him go until the morning, because Finn had virtually rolled right into his arms out there on the river bank and Ben knew that the cold was just an excuse to get close. Perhaps even a ruse. 

And Ben had imagined doing that - fucking him - as they’d lain there together, Finn’s head at rest on the plane of Ben’s shoulder, his fingers softly playing with the buttons on the shirt below Ben’s jacket. Then and there like that, Ben had imagined fucking Finn in the most minute detail he could because in the darkness out there on the bank of the river it was easy to imagine being brave enough to do things like that. Making moves that might lead to their future.

Ben was starving, but paralyzed, too, by the self-doubts that always took him over when he let himself get this close to someone. The self-talk about worthiness, and worthlessness, and that he wasn’t worth as much as so much comfort and attention and care, and never would be, never could be, crippled him. And Finn hadn’t asked him outright anyway to stay over so in the end those thoughts had been right, and his immobilization wasn’t that at all, it was just acceptance of something inevitable. His fate.

So all those things going round in his head were why Ben hardly slept at all that night, but eventually that temporary mercy did take him away for a little while. And just before it did Ben remembered it; he’d forgotten in the fog of regrets about what he hadn’t done and somehow the one thing he did in fact set up that night for his future escaped the net of his self-disappointment. Sat there like a good dog and waited to be noticed. Petted.

When they first got home, and they wheeled their ways with their bikes through the apartment block’s gate. Past the overgrown hedges that nobody trimmed anymore because the Body Corporate didn’t care enough to pay for a gardener quarterly. Right after Ben and Finn did that, before they even started kissing Finn had told Ben about tomorrow. About what he’d be doing. He’d be at some team-building thing at the AMF for his work, something about huddles. And laser tag. 

And then Finn had asked Ben to meet him there and Ben had said _yes_. That’s why they’d kissed for so long beneath the stairs because Ben had felt happy about that, about being asked out again. And from his kisses Ben knew that Finn had felt happy about it, too.


	10. Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For Day 10: Dark AU
> 
> It's not an AU, it's just dark!

“You want help?”

“I can’t get the strap round, the buckle’s caught on something…”

“Twist back for a minute? Face front…”

Finn watches Ben yank at the belt of the vest again. It’s caught at the small of his back - Finn can see it now - just above the waistband of Ben’s jeans. Ben’s still twisting, and trying to reach, but the vest is bulky and he also seems flustered, which isn’t helping. Finn places his hand on Ben’s forearm and gently closes his palm around it. Under his hand, Ben stills. Although Finn can still feel the muscles in his forearm tensing.

“I can see where it’s caught, just pause, okay? I’m gonna pull it free…”

Ben says nothing but he does stay paused. Finn pulls at the strap and it does come free.

“Can you buckle it?”

“Yeah… No… It’s hard to reach there… These things are really awkward…”

He’s fit but he’s also really broad around the waist, Ben is, Finn realises now, as he spends maybe just an extra moment making sure the strap is straight and the slack’s pulled out before he takes his hands away, but Ben doesn’t seem to mind the extra time his hands have just spent there, around his fit broad waist.

“You ready?” he’s asking, and Finn is pleased to see that now the vest is on Ben’s face has relaxed, and his eyes have brightened. The sudden change in him - from anxious to eager - is sexy. “I’m gonna get you so fast you’re gonna regret inviting me here, Finn. I’m really good at laser tag, you better watch out.”

Finn grins as they enter the darkened space of the laser tag hall. Finn already knows his way around pretty well, he’s been here already for two hours with his staff from the grocery store, but they’ve all gone home now, and it’s just he and Ben remaining mostly. A few randoms. But that is pretty much it.

Finn’s conscious that he’s wearing a white shirt - this was a work thing after all, and Finn always dresses well for work, even when he’s doing base things like stock-taking - so beneath the ultraviolet lights the glowing shirt makes him an easy target. But Finn doesn’t really mind. 

Because earlier, when he was playing with his workmates, he got over this pretty quickly and his mind started to drift and he found himself then unable to stop thinking about now - racing through here with Ben, avoiding Ben, dodging Ben - and Finn made a plan, then.

“Hey, Ben?” he calls.

“Are you giving yourself away already?”

His voice is quite close, sounding from behind the panel that’s just across the hall from where Finn is positioned now.

“Do you wanna play a game?”

“We are playing a game.”

“No, I mean… Okay, I’m gonna pause and step out because I wanna explain it to you first, okay?”

“No way am I falling for that,” Finn hears Ben say.

“No really, look…”

Finn throws his laser gun out across the floor, in front of the panel where he knows Ben is hiding.

“Oh my god, you are actually surrendering already! Wow, that’s-”

“Throw your gun out for a minute.”

Ben’s gun appears, skiffing across the floor and he walks out from behind the panel. The lights on his vest are red - Finn’s are blue - and he’s so tall for a moment Finn’s heart skips at the sight of him there in the semi-darkness. 

They’re in a part of the room where the panels that delineate the areas of the labyrinthine hall actually run out for a minute. It’s like an annex. Where Finn is standing there’s no escape or passage behind him leading away. If Finn and Ben turned to Finn’s right, they’d be able to head away down the passage but if they both turned to his left, they’d move further back inside the annex, behind the panel where Finn’s been stopped. 

Eyes on Ben, Finn takes a step backwards. Ben’s still looking at him, still stopped and waiting. Finn takes another step backwards.

“Come here,” he whispers to Ben, lifting his visor.

“Huh? There’s no passage there, is there?”

“Just come here for a minute… Come and get me…”

Finn keeps stepping backwards and Ben starts to follow, and they both move like that until Finn’s vested back finds the panel at the end of the annex. He reaches for Ben’s face and lifts his visor as Ben’s hands slip around his waist and his knee slips between Finn’s, the top of his thigh pressing hard against him as they kiss each other there in the darkness. 

Still in full laser combat gear, with their guns still abandoned on the floor and something beats-y is still playing in the background. Finn’s not really listening to that, but he is glad it’s playing. Masking the smacks of their lips as they kiss. Must be loud.


	11. Whump

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For Day 11: Whump
> 
> I had half a mind to make this read a certain way but in the end I softened it a lot because I just couldn’t be too mean to Ben today, so hopefully there’s just enough emo pain in this to scrape it in over the whump-shaped line. Who am I kidding though, it’s not very whump-y at all, but I hope you like it anyway. I tried!

They’re standing beneath the stairs again, their bikes are locked away. They’ve just returned home from the AMF and they’re saying _good night_. Well, Ben is saying _good night_, because Ben is also stalling. Finn is asking him - again - if he wants to come inside.

“Which one do you live in?”

“Does it matter?” Finn asks, and Ben’s stomach jolts because Finn has never used that tone on him before now. And there’s a flicker of hurt in Finn’s eyes. Ben’s said something wrong, he must have, and he thinks he knows what, and he wants to explain, but Finn is still talking. Still saying things in that tone of distinct hurt. “Would you only come in if I lived in a certain one or something? Didn’t pick you as the superficial type…”

“I’m not," Ben urges, his heart beginning to race in mild panic, and his brain whirring, knowing what it needs him to say. But Ben can already feel that his mind and his mouth won't connect. He tries anyway, though. "I’ve just… Well, you know… I'm in-between things right now, and… Well… I wouldn’t care at all if you were… If you had nothing… That’s… That’s not why I like you… I don’t like you just because you’re someone… But I… I do like you for that, though… I…” 

“Oh,” Finn murmurs, the hurt entirely gone now from his voice as he fingers the ends of Ben’s hair again, to Ben's temporary relief. “So you do like me, huh? You’ve never said that to me before now.”

“You know I like you.”

“But you’ve never actually said it aloud.”

“Do I need to?”

“Well, no,” Finn murmurs. “I guess not… Especially if you don’t really mean it.”

“I do mean it... And I have said I liked you before.“ Hasn’t he? “I’m sure I’ve said it before…”

“You haven’t, Ben. You have not said that before. And I would definitely have remembered it if you had said it before, because I remember things like that. I remember things like that very well.”

Ben doesn't know what to do then. He has a vague suspicion that he should say something else, but instead he opts to just kiss Finn’s mouth again, and suck on his lower lip for another few moments, enjoying the feeling of warmth he finds there, as well as the way Finn’s hands make the rest of him feel as they tease away about the nape of his neck. And along with all that, Ben enjoys the familiar way Finn smells, when they’re this close to each other. Ben thinks Finn’s scent is one of bronze and wood and leather.

But something more familiar - even though Finn’s actually not really at all familiar to Ben yet, because there’s really only one or two or three things Ben knows for sure about Finn at this point, and Ben thinks it’s the same for Finn - is having its way again with Ben now. It’s not just Finn’s fingers toying with the ends of his hair that are tugging hard now on Ben’s feelings. 

“Ben?”

A lump has formed in Ben’s throat, and all of a sudden he finds that he can’t look at Finn right now. And so Ben just continues to keep his eyes averted - semi-closed - while he brushes his lips over the edges of Finn’s well-formed jaw. Kissing very gently down it’s well-defined line towards Finn’s earlobe, and just beneath it. Where the source of the smell seems to be.

“I’ve upset you?” Finn’s murmuring. “Ben... I was really only teasing about the superficial thing, I didn’t really think that you were-”

“It’s not that,” Ben whispers, trying to ignore his own stupid tears by lingering just here, on Finn’s pulse, knowing now that this is definitely the place from which the heady scent is coming from, and Ben rests the tip of his nose just there - here - so that he can breathe that scent in some more and forget all about his wet cheeks, and how painful it is to ask for something like this from someone he admires, even though that someone knows now how he feels about them. Knows he likes them. How embarrassing it is, how vulnerable it makes him. To want this much for them to like him back.

“Then _what_?” Finn whispers, pulling his mouth and his jaw and his scent away from Ben, and leaning back so the base of his skull is against the brick wall below the stairs, while his hands move to hold Ben by the sides of the face at a small distance away, trying to study his eyes. Which Ben still can’t quite make meet up directly with Finn’s. 

“You didn’t say it back,” Ben voices so quietly that he wonders if he has said the words out loud at all, and because of that he adds the other part which he always thinks, but never says aloud, and that’s really why he adds it; because he doesn’t think he actually is. “I’m not worth it, anyway.”

“I like you so much, Ben… I like you so much and I want you to come in… But only if you actually want to, man, okay? Only if you want… Do you hear me? It’s cool if you don’t want to, it’s fine… I don’t want to pressure you, if you’re not ready or something, that’s the last thing I want… Ben? Do you know what I mean? Do you get what I’m saying?”

Ben does indeed get exactly what Finn’s saying.


	12. Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For Day 12: Dreams

Finn doesn’t work the registers often, but he does still remember what it was like to be a full-time Cashier. What it was like, way long ago, to serve customers for hours at a time, or to stock shelves or to mop floors. To do all the menial jobs that weren’t anything to do with Managing, but that were all still just as important as that. Subordinate jobs without which there’d be no store, and certainly no Managing. That’s how important those jobs all were. 

And Finn used to enjoy all that work, before he was a Manager, because he’s always had a really great work ethic, even if he didn’t always like the actual work he was doing with that ethic. It was still good anyway just to work, make a difference. And he always had dreams that he wouldn’t always work at that kind of entry level. That he would work his way up to something better. But the Managers he had back then never did any of that kind of work themselves, on top of Managing. They never did the menial stuff.

Those people were never out on the floor unless something went really badly wrong, or unless a CEO or equivalent person was there, inspecting, or something like that. And that kind of always bothered Finn a lot, and he always dreamed back then that one day, once he’d worked his way up in one of those retail companies he did the rounds of, in his late teens and early twenties, he wouldn’t do that. He wouldn’t be like that. Finn always dreamed that he would be different. A different kind of Manager.

“Hello.”

“Hello to you, little person,” Finn says from behind the register, to the preschool-aged boy in the trolley. “Shopping with your big person today, hey?”

“Auntie.”

“_Auntie_,” Finn repeats, smiling at the woman who’s chaperoning the boy, and currently fishing through her wallet, only half-listening.

“Did you know that I’m not from here?” the boy asks Finn.

“Nope,” Finn answers, scanning the last item and packing it carefully into the box with the rest, while the boy’s auntie fixes the payment for their groceries. “I did not know that. Would you like to tell me where you’re from, then? If it’s not from here. Where are you from then, little person?”

“I’m from somewhere else,” the boy replies, looking neither ashamed nor proud, but still looking at Finn as though it’s the first time he’s ever said that aloud, and he’s testing it out for a reaction. Testing out the idea that’s just formed in his head. The idea that he is from somewhere else. He’s trying to fit it in to all the other things he knows already, but he doesn’t quite know where it goes, yet. How it quite fits with all that other stuff in his head, that he knows. All those concepts he knows already. This one is still sort of just floating around in there, so Finn says,

“Did you know that many of us are actually from somewhere else? Not all of us. But many of us.”

“We are?”

“Yep,” Finn says. “But that’s okay because we’re all here now, together. It still matters where we’re from, but it also doesn’t. It’s _ also _ important that we’re all here now, together.”

The look the boy gives to Finn then is one of either utter bewilderment or deep contemplation - Finn’s not quite sure which, and nor is he ruling out that it’s both of those things together at the same time - but then all of a sudden his auntie has finished paying for their things and the preschool-aged boy and his auntie are gone, and Finn is greeting the next person in line at the registers. A middle-aged man.

He’s clearly not in a talkative mood and Finn is immediately reminded of a slightly older version of Ben. So Finn doesn’t push him to talk. Finn just scans his items, mind drifting a little back to last night, and the time he spent outside in the courtyard with Ben, where they kissed awhile and talked, but nothing more, as usual. And Finn wonders then - while he scans groceries - if Ben does the same thing as him when he gets inside his apartment alone, after one of their dates, when they don’t do anything else but just kiss and talk. 

He probably does the same thing, but maybe it’s a little bit different. Maybe Ben does it in the shower while he’s showering. Finn imagines that, while he weighs the potatoes and then the broccolini. Finn imagines Ben in the shower, showering, with his big chest - the big broad chest Finn saw a few mornings ago in the frigid air outside - silhouetted by steam. And covered in droplets of water, sliding down his sculpted lower abs, until they reach his already hard...

“Hey!”

“Huh?”

“I mean, _ I’d _ be happy just to go without paying but I’m not sure you would.”

“What? Oh, shoot, right… Sorry, sir… Ah… You caught me dreaming for a minute there.”

“Well,” the middle-aged man says, who seems to have found his voice now or at least a reason to use it. “Dreams are important.”

“They are… You have a nice day now, sir, won’t you?”

“You too.”

Finn watches him walk his groceries over to another man, of a similar age, who pecks him on the cheek and then they leave the store together, and Finn’s mind wanders again, this time to what they might buy - he and Ben - if they were ever to go out and shop for groceries together like that.


	13. Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For Day 13: Feelings

Ben has a lot of feelings, and up until now he has had a lot of feelings for a lot of people in his life. All kinds of feelings, too, like bad ones. Like really bad ones. And some of them not so bad. Some not bad at all actually, some good. 

Ben acts on his feelings all the time, he doesn’t often hold back. Which also often means not acting at all but refraining from acting, locking up. But that’s also not the same - the not holding back part, which is different from the locking up part, but still all connected to feelings, and responding to them - as saying that he doesn’t think things through. He does think things through, very carefully. He just doesn’t arrive at very logical conclusions very often. 

Up until now, Ben has had romantic feelings for some people in his life, and he has acted on those romantic feelings sometimes, but it could be argued that those actions teeter largely towards the not-good categories of actions, or so he’s been told. So, that fairly much is why Ben feels nervous this morning, as he waits behind his front door, peering through the peephole. Ben has learned not to trust his own judgement very much, especially in regards to romantic feelings.

Ben woke up early this morning. He woke up early and he put something on. Not just on the bottom half but the top half too because that time he’d made that plan to fake-fix his bike outside - so he would run into Finn on purpose half-dressed - he’d almost frozen his balls right off, it had been that cold. So he’s not very keen to go out there this morning in anything less than what he’s wearing now and besides, it’s imperative to the plan that Finn not see him so he might as well be fully dressed and warm.

As an aside, that plan had worked, though. Ben may not trust his judgement, and he doesn’t really fancy himself as a planner, either, but that plan had worked, and worked well. Because after that Finn had definitely seemed more interested in him, and that success has given him just a little bit of hope that this plan will also work. Because Ben only has romantic feelings for one person at the moment and he lives in Apartment 4. He told Ben that last night.

Ben can’t see Apartment 4 from his own apartment, all the way down at the bottom of the stairs in Apartment 3. The layout of this building defies logic and Apartments 3 and 4 are the furthest away from each other, out of the six apartments in this whole building. So Ben may not be able to see Apartment 4 from here but he can see the bottom of the stairs, and he does know therefore when people on the top floor leave, because they walk straight past Ben’s front door on their way out.

And the other thing that’s working in Ben's favour right now, that’s giving him even more hope that this plan will work, is that today is not Wednesday so Ben knows that Finn will cycle to work today, and certainly not just go straight outside and onto the street and wait for the bus at the bus stop, like he does on Wednesdays. That would mean plan failure. From the front door of Finn’s apartment the bus stop on the street below is visible, and Ben can’t be seen while he does what he’s about to do, after Finn leaves for work on his bike.

Ben changes feet - shifts his weight - and then he hears steps and Finn appears in the view he has of the courtyard outside through the peephole. Finn’s wearing a black Parker vest that makes him look fit as hell and that enhances his sculpted upper arms, that for whatever reason Ben’s never really fully appreciated the look of, before now. But which he can't help gape at now, beneath the fitted, knitted red jumper he’s wearing under his Parker vest. The fabric of that is already pulled taut and it pulls even tighter around his muscles as they flex and strain while Finn unlocks his bike and quickly checks its mechanisms.

The jumper's long sleeves go all the way down to Finn's wrists, and just below each hem is the cuff of another white shirt. Or maybe it’s the same white shirt from the other day, when they played laser tag. Or didn’t play laser tag. Although Finn probably owns many white shirts, so it’s probably not the exact same one. Employed people can probably afford a whole wardrobe of white shirts. And hot employed people can probably afford even more. A world full. A galaxy full.

It takes Ben many minutes after that, after ogling Finn some more and then watching him disappear from view. After hearing the front gate click once and not click again, which is important because that means Finn has definitely left for work, and that he’s not coming back. It takes Ben time before he opens his front door at last, just by a crack at first, to make sure. His keys are in one hand and in the other hand is the small thing. The token of his feelings. The note he wrote Finn.

Ben mounts the stairs, two at a time, and just before he slides the note beneath the front door of Apartment 4 - Finn’s apartment - he picks one of the small white flowers with the pink stamens that he's just noticed growing in a pot outside Finn’s front door. And Ben raises that to his philtrum as he descends the stairs, heart beating fast but not as fast as a moment ago, before he delivered the note to Finn that he spent all night last night composing.

And maybe it’s because he can relax now, it’s done. He can't take any of the words about his feelings back now, they are slid all the way under Finn’s door. But Ben thinks it might be the flowers too, because he knows now that it’s true. Finn does smell like bronze and wood and leather, but also just a little bit like these flowers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! The prompt for tomorrow is 'Fairy tale' so here's a poll: Do you want to read the note Ben wrote Finn in tomorrow's read or would you prefer that the contents was implied over the next few reads?


	14. Fairy Tale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For Day 14: Fairy Tale

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two weeks of prompts filled! :) Personal achievement unlocked ;) Thank you for reading two-weeks worth of reads, and I hope you will enjoy this one. Fluff alert.

The hero gets home like some warrior or knight or champion who’s just battled their way past some ogre - or slayed a dragon, or beaten their way through a hedge maze - because if this was a story, what Finn’s doing now, that’s probably just about what the narrator would actually be saying right now, given the circumstances. Especially if this was a fairy-tale story like the kinds in the books Finn reads to his nephews, and narrators know what happens in those stories because they always seem to be telling them in the past tense. And that means they’ve read them, right through to the endings. So you can always trust narrators.

So, the hero gets home and unlocks his front door, just like Finn’s doing now, because heroes live in big high towers, like upstairs in apartment blocks... No, wait. That is wrong. That is completely wrong, that is not in any storybook that Finn can remember. It’s the princesses who live in the big high towers. The heroes don’t really live anywhere at all, until the story is over that is, and then the heroes definitely all end up living somewhere. They always end up somewhere, never nowhere. And even dead is somewhere, it’s the afterlife. But by and large that somewhere is always not the afterlife, it’s always somewhere pretty good. Heroes usually always end up alive, and living happily ever after in a somewhere that’s pretty good.

So, Finn gets home, at the end of his working week, and he is immediately lonely. Even though he’s just spent all day - all week - busy around all the people he works with, and even though some people might appreciate the peace of their quiet apartment home at this point in their timeline, but not Finn. Because that - loneliness - is the one area of Finn’s life that he is very, very lost inside. Loneliness is like Finn’s hedge maze. And if you could get lost inside an ogre or a dragon, well then loneliness would be those things too; anything really that could possibly be imagined to be obscuring or standing in the way of the path. Like the path Finn can see for himself. 

A path to the somewhere he’s sure he’s meant to end up at by the end of this story, because that is also always what happens to the heroes. There’s not just any old place where they are meant to end up at, there’s _ the _ place. And the hero is _ meant _to end up there because fairy-tale stories - as well as being very moralistic, and sometimes annoyingly so, in Finn’s opinion - are also always fatalistic. There’s always a fate that awaits a hero, and Finn does still believe in fate and knows one day he’ll find his somewhere. His happily ever after.

So, Finn steps through his own front door and he kicks something across the floor. His arms are loaded with groceries - dinner - so he doesn’t see it. But he hears it. It scuttles across the floor and it stops across the room, beside the dark wood of the skirting board at the base of the wall in the lounge room. Finn is house proud and there are very few skirting boards that aren’t obscured by clutter. Finn’s house is neat and sophisticated and clean. So, he sets his box of groceries down and he picks up the thing his foot has just inadvertently scuttled across the floor. It’s a piece of paper. A creamy-coloured piece of paper that has been folded several times until it's about palm-sized. It’s a nice piece of paper to hold, Finn thinks, as he unfolds it. It has a nice texture that makes Finn want to rub his fingers over it forever. 

And as Finn studies the paper, and realises what it actually is - far more than just a nice piece of paper - Finn’s heart starts to melt then, inside the armour of his work clothes. Stained from when Sophia, the lady who always drops things in the store, dropped the thing she dropped in the store today - a huge glass bottle of passata - and it had covered Finn from just about head to toe in red sauce. Finn stands there in his lounge room, holding what he now understands is a note meant for him from Ben, and still smelling like tomatoes, but Finn doesn’t care at all about that right now. He only cares for the thing in his hands, and his memories of the man who wrote it. 

Because the heroes in those stories, well they must smell terrible by the end of those borderline ridiculous quests they have to somehow survive in those stories, right? By the time they’ve actually cut down the forests and tamed the dragons and cut off the heads of the oppressors. The heroes at the ends of those stories must smell like shit by the time they actually get to the princesses, but the princesses never seem to mind that much. And passata is not really such a terrible smell, is it?

So, even though Finn still smells like tomatoes - and that is to say not absolutely great - Finn still leaves his apartment right then and there, with Ben’s note still held in his hand. Like it’s the last speck of dust in the universe, like that story about the boy and the Nothing. Finn goes downstairs anyway, and he knocks on Ben’s front door. Because Finn thinks he knows how this story will end and he still believes that heroes always end up somewhere good.


	15. First Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For Day 15: First Time

“Do you know what a photograph is?”

“Is this a trick question?”

“No.”

“Then, yeah. I do know what a photograph is.”

“Well, what is it?” 

“A picture.”

“Yeah, but… Like, what kind of picture is it?”

“Well, I don’t know... Whatever kind you take it of, I guess... This is a trick question. Admit it.”

“I’m not tricking.”

“Well... Are you fishing for a poetic answer then or something? Mister _ Poet_?”

“I’m an _ artist_…”

“You certainly do have... Round-about ways of saying things... Doing things... And I probably wouldn’t mind that, by the way, you tricking me... As long as you did it while you were still right here, like this...”

“It’s a drawing,” Ben murmurs, from where he sits. With not a stitch on beneath Finn. Finn also has not a stitch on anymore, and Ben likes the way Finn feels like that. Bare against his own bare skin. He likes it so much he’s talking his heart out to Finn. Not even really aware anymore of the nervousness that began in him about a half an hour or so ago now, when Finn first arrived here. Smelling like his favourite kind of pizza - Margherita - and holding his hand-written note.

“A photograph is a drawing that’s made just with light, and… Well, you can’t have a photograph with dark alone, you have to have light as well. Or all you’ll see is a dark page, with nothing on it... Nothing but darkness... But at the same time, if you just had light, and no darkness... Well... Then you couldn’t very well have a photograph then, either... That wouldn’t be a photograph either, that would also just be a blank page... So... I guess photographs need to have both light _ and _dark… I guess they are actually drawings with both the light and the dark... Did you know that, Finn? Any of that?”

“No,” Finn murmurs. “Ben?”

“Yeah?”

“I like listening to the sound of your voice almost as much as I like being with you like this. While you tell me poetic things... Interesting things... Did you know that?”

“No.”

“Tell me something else, Ben.”

“Um… I don’t know what else to say.”

“Yes, you do,” Finn whispers. “Tell me something else you wrote... But tell it different... Like the photograph thing, you know?”

“Um… Well… I think that you are beautiful... As beautiful as the most beautiful photograph that I could ever hope to take.” 

“That’s not something different,” Finn says, smiling and rubbing the end of his nose against Ben’s again, as Finn’s hands adjust themselves around his shoulders, and his thighs move a little above Ben’s hips. 

“Took me a long time to write that part.”

“How long?”

“Long time… A long fucking time, Finn… There was a lot of fucking it up and scrunching it up and throwing it away and starting again... There was a lot of fucking aggravation.”

Finn kisses Ben’s mouth.

“Is that alright?” Finn murmurs. 

“Yes,” Ben whispers back. Finn kisses Ben’s mouth again.

“What about that?” he breathes, looking at Ben. Looking into his eyes. Shifting his hips a little again, and shifting his hands a lot.

“That’s alright, too…”

“Good?”

“Good.”

Finn kisses down the length of Ben’s throat. Slow, light kisses.

“Finn?”

“Yeah?”

“That’s the first time I ever told anybody that... About the photography thing... Do you remember that part I wrote? About not just the photographs but the photography thing? And going to… Going... To... The...”

Ben sighs as Finn moves his whole body downwards, and kisses down the length of Ben's own body. Lots of slow, light kisses. Down his length.

“You’re the only person who knows about going there, Finn… The only one… Did you know that, too?”

Ben sighs again as he watches Finn, who would answer if he could.


	16. Soulmates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For Day 16: Soulmates

“Ben…”

“Hello.”

“How are you?”

“Good.”

Finn glances down the checkout conveyor. It’s only a glance because it’s even harder now to look away from Ben than it’s ever been before. But Finn does glance away to notice that one of Ben’s big hands is hovering over something he’s trying to conceal on the conveyor. He’s not trying to conceal it from Finn though, and Finn already knows what it is anyway. Ben’s just trying to hide it from the people in the queue behind him. Or that’s what it looks like to Finn.

“You are good, you know,” Finn says, while he scans Ben’s first item - brioche buns - and the blush that’s already on Ben’s face deepens.

“How are you?” Ben asks, his voice just a whisper now.

“I’m good, too,” Finn answers, lowering his own voice to match Ben’s, just in case this conversation is awkward for him, or likely to get so, given what’s on the conveyor.

And not that any of this, or the prospect of it, is in any way awkward to Finn. But he doesn’t want to make Ben feel uncomfortable - or any more so than usual - while he scans his bacon rashers, or his carton of eggs.

“Did you have a nice ride in to work this morning?” Ben asks.

“I did have a nice ride in to work,” Finn replies, “Yes. Thank you for asking… So, what are you going to do with all this?”

“I’m going to make you breakfast.“

Finn smiles and Ben bites down on his lower lip while he smiles back, and Finn thinks that looks sexy as they gaze at each other across the cash register while Finn’s hand gropes a little blindly for Ben’s next item - orange juice - but instead he ends up finding Ben’s still hovering hand.

And with his little finger, Finn strokes along the outside of Ben’s hand until Ben curls his own little finger around Finn’s, and they lock their little fingers together. Above the slender bottle of lube on the conveyor that Ben’s been trying to hide.

“Do you think they named it that,” Finn begins, still speaking very softly so that only Ben can hear, “Because soulmates are meant to be together?”

“You mean the brand?”

“Yeah.”

“Maybe.”

“It’s the only brand we sell… But I was thinking that maybe we should stock another brand, too.”

“Why?”

“Well… In stores, see, it’s good to have two options for customers, usually. Because if customers don’t have a choice in-store, they still want one. So they might go elsewhere to get one but if they have a choice in-store, well then they still feel like they’re choosing, and that keeps customers happy… And then they keep coming back.”

“_Soulmates_ is a really good brand though, Finn. I’ve seen it. You know, like… _Endorsed_.”

Finn has to lip-read the last word. Ben doesn’t speak it. And Ben’s eyes look so earnest when he mouths that word that a thousand things to say in response go through Finn’s mind. But all Finn does right then, after Ben says that, is look at Ben and think about him alone, watching endorsements for brands of lube. And then he and Ben just continue to gaze at each other and interlace their fingers until Finn whispers,

“So, what are you going to do with this?”

“Whatever you want me to.”

“That’s a good answer.”

"Thank you. I thought so, too.”

Finn smiles again and then he gently withdraws his fingers from Ben’s. Picks up the lube, and then the juice, and scans them both and packs them away inside Ben’s box. And Ben’s face is flaming again by now but his eyes are as bright as Finn has ever seen them. And he’s still biting down on his lip. Which still looks like it just won’t quit smiling no matter how hard Ben seems to be trying to make it.


	17. Moths and Fairies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For Day 17: Accidental baby acquisition.
> 
> I have tweaked this just a tiny bit for consistency and also at the end since it first posted to clarify Ben’s thinking by the end of the read.
> 
> Gotta be honest and say straight up that this is not a trope I read so was definitely not going to title this chapter with the name of that prompt because this read is not about babies but it is about Finn's nephews. Finn asks Ben to watch his 7-year-old twin nephews for ten minutes while he makes an important call.
> 
> I'm spelling that out in case anyone would like to avoid this read. It is very kid-heavy so please feel free not to read if that's not for you. It's the longest read yet in this story. I'm not sure how that happened but I think it might be because I do really like writing Ben around children for some reason and the idea of him babysitting Finn’s kid nephews is just too damn cute lol

Ben swills the contents of the big mug of coffee in his hand. It’s a very clear morning that began very cold, because mornings do tend to begin like that when there are no clouds overnight and the heat goes straight up, and back out into space, Ben guesses. It must go out there, into outer space. It certainly doesn’t hang around here on the Earth. But Ben didn’t feel the cold last night, Finn kept him very warm. Finn is warm, Ben’s blankets are warm. And those things together made Ben very warm on what was a very cold night. 

Ben is feeling the cold now, though. Standing barefoot in the courtyard. But the sun that’s out because the sky is so clear is almost high enough now to start to make it into the courtyard of his apartment, and start to take the edges off the frost; there was ice on his car when he went out earlier to take out the rubbish from last night. Ben sips his coffee again and watches a bird hop along the fenceline of the courtyard. All the downstairs apartments have small internal courtyards but Ben’s is the only one without any plants in it that aren’t weeds; the conifer trees were removed last year because their roots were cracking the building, and the only plants left out here now are the weeds.

Ben takes another sip of coffee and looks up. The bird has gone and Finn is peering over the fenceline. 

“Hey, baby.”

“Good morning.”

“Hey... Baby?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you like kids?”

“Huh?”

“Do you like kids?” Finn repeats. “You know… Small versions of people? Kids. Do you like ‘em?”

Ben narrows his eyes. “Why?”

Finn disappears for a moment and then the gate to Ben’s courtyard opens and Finn and two boys about the age of seven appear. One wears an orange tracksuit and the other one is wearing purple, but apart from that they look identical and sirens begin to sound inside Ben’s head, and he grips the mug of coffee in his hand as though if he holds on hard enough to that this whole scenario might just vanish. Either that or Ben will. Because Ben certainly does not like kids at all, and he can sense already what Finn is about to ask him. But he can’t sense any way out of it.

“Would you mind if these guys just hung out here for like ten minutes while I make a phone call upstairs? I’m so sorry Ben but I gotta call Head Office about something really important and… Well, these guys are good little guys but I just need ten minutes of quiet, you know what I mean? Just to make this one call. And then I promise I’ll be right back down here because we are gonna go bowling today, right guys?”

“Right!” says the one in orange.

“Yeah!” says the one in purple.

“You never told me you had kids,” Ben says, through gritted teeth.

“Oh, no,” Finn says, leaning back and laughing. “These are not my kids, these are my sister’s twin babies… Ty in the orange and Abe in the purple. Guys, please say hello to Uncle Finn’s new boyfriend. This is Ben.”

“Hi, Ben,” says Ty.

“Hello,” says Abe.

“Hi,” Ben replies.

“You are very tall.” 

“I am tall, yes.”

“Can we call you _ Uncle Ben_?”

“Um… Well, sure. Why the hell not.”

“Ooh, um-mah… You said _ hell_, Uncle Ben.”

“Uncle Ben said _ hell_.”

“Hell!” says Ty.

“Hell!” says Abe.

“Stop it,” Ben urges. 

“Alright guys, I’ll be back real soon I promise… Ben… You’ll be fine, baby.”

”Bye, Uncle Finn!”

”Bye, Uncle!”

Finn disappears.

“Um," Ben stammers, with no clue what to do now. "So... Ah... Do you guys wanna... I dunno, like... Play a game? Or something?”

“Like _ Two Truths and a Lie_?” Ty asks.

“Two what?” Ben asks right back.

“_Two Truths and a Lie_,” Abe repeats.

“Haven’t you ever heard of _ Two Truths and a Lie _ before? How _ old _ are you, anyway?”

“That’s rude, Ty,” says Abe, frowning at his brother. “Don’t say things like that.”

“But…”

“_Tyson,” _ Abe monishes, in a very firm voice. “I am tellin’ you that is _ rude_. We are guests. Be nice.”

“Sorry, Uncle Ben,” Ty says.

“Well, that’s okay,” Ben answers. “That’s fine, um… Well, I’m sorry, too…. I probably should’ve heard of that game anyway, it’s my fault... I don’t know any kids, so… You know… Not very good at this… Baby-sitting sort of stuff...”

“Are you and Uncle Finn gonna get married?”

“Um… What?”

“Are we gonna get to sleep over here at your house sometimes?”

“No.”

“Are you gonna have babies?”

“Are we gonna have _ what_?”

“So what do you wanna do now then, Uncle Ben? If it’s not play _ Two Truths and a Lie_?”

Ben would like to disappear into the ground.

“How about I go inside,” he says, “And you two stay out here?”

“There are a lot of weeds out here.” 

Abe is looking around the courtyard. But he's not looking worried as he stares at the weeds. He begins to wander over towards a cluster of several, growing up through the cracks in the concrete.

“I bet fairies live inside here... Do you believe in fairies, Uncle Ben?”

“Fairies?”

“Yeah,” says Abe. “You know what fairies are, right?”

“I know what fairies are,” Ben grumbles. "Yes."

“_Abraham_.” 

Ty is walking over to where his brother has stopped in front of a weed that’s almost as tall as he is. “You can't believe in fairies, they aren’t real. How many times have I gotta tell you that? No one believes in fairies. You can’t believe in fairies. They don’t exist.”

Abe turns around and runs inside.

“He is such a baby,” Ty says, crossing his arms over his chest. “I am five minutes older than him and everybody can tell because I don’t believe in fairies. _ I’m _ not a baby. _ He’s _ the baby...”

“Just stay here for a minute,” Ben says. “Alright?”

Ty nods so Ben goes inside after Abe. He's sitting on Ben's couch, with his feet together; they only reach the end of the cushion he sits on, his legs are not very long. Ben approaches him slowly. The little boy in purple looks sad. He’s looking at his shoes.

“Do you mind if I sit here?” Ben asks.

He shakes his head.

“Are you okay?”

He shakes his head again.

“I believe in fairies,” Ben says.

The boy looks up.

“Do you really?” Abe asks. “Or are you just saying that to make me feel better? Because you don't have to do that. I'm not a baby.”

“Well,” Ben admits, “I guess... Well... Yeah, okay. Maybe I was doing that. A little bit of that.”

“Have you seen a fairy?” Abe asks Ben.

“No,” Ben says. “But… I’ve also never _ not _ seen a fairy.”

“You’ve never _ not _ seen one?”

“I have never _ not _ seen one.”

Abe looks at Ben for a minute and then he says,

“I like butterflies. Do you?”

“Yes,” Ben says. “I like butterflies. Actually, I get a lot of butterflies out in the courtyard. White ones. And actually, I think they might be cabbage moths, but… You know. They look like butterflies, so...”

“Moths are like butterflies.”

“They are,” Ben agrees. 

“I didn't see any out there, though,” Abe says. "I don't think they're out today."

“Well... They actually seem to like to come out in the sun... They seem to like the warmth, and… Well, you were out there looking for fairies anyway, right?"

“Yeah.”

“So... Well, I guess maybe if you were out there looking for the moths, instead of the fairies... Well, then you might just see some of the moths. If you were actually out there looking for moths... Because I’ve never _not_ seen a fairy out there but I’ve definitely seen those moths. When I actually look for them.”

“Can we go back out and look now?”

“Sure,” Ben says.

Abe slides off the couch and walks back outside to where Ty is still waiting. The morning sun has risen enough by now so that its rays can just start to make it over the top of the fenceline, and into the courtyard. Abe starts to peer through the weeds, looking for moths. And Ben hopes Finn won’t be too much longer on the phone, as he walks back outside too, and wonders not just if he should but also if he wants to try to help Abe look.


	18. Poetry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For Day 18: Poetry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Here's a link to the album mentioned in the read below](https://lostanimalband.bandcamp.com/album/you-yang) if you would like to listen. To me, it is so Kylo/Ben.

Finn strokes Ben’s hair. They are on Finn’s couch this evening. They’ve spent a few nights in a row now at Ben’s apartment because Finn still wants to make sure that Ben feels comfortable - as much as possible, and as often as possible - and he thought the most comfortable place to be for Ben at first, for their first few times, might be in his own apartment. But tonight they are here, on the couch in Finn’s apartment, and Ben doesn’t seem to mind that. And Finn is glad.

Finn wants to ask Ben something. They are listening to Lost Animal’s _ You Yang _ on Finn’s record player - Ben’s choice, he brought it up from downstairs, after Finn asked him what he wanted to listen to - and Finn already bought a six-pack of the kind of beer Ben always buys from the store, when he goes in there and buys beer. So they’re drinking that and listening to songs Ben likes, and they’re both very relaxed in the warmth of Finn’s apartment; the heat is on and the window would probably be starting to steam up if Finn had closed the blinds, but he hasn’t. He hasn’t done that so they can watch the supermoon rise above the roof of the falling-down house next door. It’s a beautiful moon tonight and it looks beautiful over the falling-down house next door.

Finn strokes Ben’s hair again. Ben’s head is in Finn’s lap. He’s lying on his back and his long legs are spread out, his big feet at rest, up on the arm of the couch. It feels good to have him there, Finn thinks, as he moves his fingers from Ben’s hair to beneath his chin and rubs them through the stubbly mane beneath it. Cups his chin, tilts his face up and then leans down and kisses Ben on the mouth. Just once. And then he kisses Ben on the forehead. And then he goes back to stroking Ben’s hair. Ben shifts positions a bit and then he starts to lick at Finn’s bare body again because they’re both bare. They’ve been on the couch for a little while after all, and they’ve almost drunk all the beer. Because that’s just what’s taken to happening, when all those other things are happening too: they end up bare and kissing each other. And there's usually some talking, too.

Finn likes talking to Ben so much, even if, much of the time, Ben doesn't talk back as much. Finn likes talking to Ben like that almost as much as he likes watching Ben right where he is now. Likes it very much, watching him kiss at the same spot on his upper thigh like he is right now. And he thinks that this has become almost his favourite way to watch Ben: lying in his lap and kissing his body sleepily. But not too sleepily. Not yet.

"Ben?"

Ben mumbles something in answer but he is still quite busy, kissing away at the same spot on Finn’s thigh.

“I found something the other day,” Finn says.

“Mm?”

“I wasn’t going to tell you where I found it, though.”

“Why not?” Ben asks, through the kisses.

“Well, I found it in that coffee shop.”

“I thought you didn’t go in there?”

“The one I usually go to wasn’t open then. So I had to go in there.”

“Oh,” Ben says. “Okay. So… What did you find?”

Ben looks up at Finn.

“A flyer,” Finn says, cupping his hand around the back of Ben's head gently. Stroking his hair again. “For a poetry reading. It’s this Friday night. Just down the street from the coffee shops. At a bar.”

“A _ poetry _reading?”

“Yeah.”

“What, like… Bunch of people in berets, sitting around listening to some miserable person behind a microphone. Reading?”

“Oh, come on… I’m sure it’s not at all like that...”

“I’m sure it is.”

“So, wanna go?”

“Maybe,” Ben says, still looking up at Finn. “Do you wanna go?” 

“I could take it or leave it,” Finn answers. “Friday nights I could go either way, I mean… You know, after a whole day at work I’m still on, so I could go out... But then... It would also be nice just to stay in here with you… I’m sure we could find enough things to do, or maybe we could still go out but go for a night ride somewhere... Maybe we could ride to the reading... Check it out… And if we don’t like it then maybe we could think of the something else to do… _ While we’re out_...”

Finn chuckles and moves his hand beyond the ends of Ben's hair, and starts to stroke his fingers along Ben's back. Up and down along the length of Ben's back. And he sighs as Ben resumes the kissing and licking of more of the places Finn loves to be kissed and licked when Ben lies like this in his lap.


	19. Mythology

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For Day 19: Mythology

Before Ben and Finn left together to go out. Before they rode past the bar where Finn said the poetry reading was on, and before Ben could hardly literally even go anywhere near it really, even when Finn tried for one last time to convince him that it probably wasn’t lame at all, or pretentious, or like any of the other stereotypes that Ben knew were totally stupid, but that were going through his stupid head anyway because Ben did actually really want to go inside the poetry reading, but he was just too nervous to do it. Before any of that happened, over his shoulder Ben slung a bag. 

So when they get to the library, because after that happened - all that - Ben asked Finn if he’d like to go to the big university library, instead of the poetry reading. And Finn had said that of course he definitely would. So when they get to the outside of the library - it’s closed, because by now it’s quite late at night, even though they’re at the university now, and university libraries typically open quite late, but that’s how late it is now, even university libraries are closed - Ben opens the bag and he takes out his Pentax K-1000. Ben’s very favourite kind of camera.

“It’s big,” Finn says.

“It’s got a five hundred milimitre telephoto lens on it,” Ben says, taking off the lens cap and stuffing it inside the back pocket of his jeans. “That’s my favourite kind of lens... It can shoot really far. All the way to space… Wanna hold it?”

“Sure.”

Ben swings his jeaned thigh over the crossbar of his bike, letting the frame just fall to the ground, so he can step over to Finn who’s still balanced on his own bike, and be near Finn as he passes him the camera, very carefully.

“You need to hold it by the lens,” Ben directs. “Okay?”

“Okay.”

“The camera body is basically just a box with a mirror inside,” Ben explains. “You don’t need to hold onto that... But the lens is the most valuable part, it’s really expensive… Cost me like, three hundred dollars second-hand on Ebay...”

Ben’s palms are both still around the long lens at this point, and he lets one hand go now and wraps that arm around Finn’s body so that Finn - still sitting on his bike - is inside Ben’s arms while Ben stands and holds the camera out in front of both their bodies, out in front of Finn’s chest. While Ben’s is against Finn’s back, with his mouth very close to Finn’s ear.

“The lens is the heaviest part of the camera,” Ben says, quietly. “So it’s also kind of easier to hold it like this. And you have more control over the different functions on the lens… The rings and stuff.”

“This is hot,” Finn says. “You showing me how to hold this... Don’t you think?”

Ben snorts. “I just don’t want you to drop it, that’s all… And I really wanna show you how to use it.”

“I know.”

Finn kisses Ben’s cheek and Ben feels the corners of his mouth get away from his control - which is happening all the time now, whenever he’s around Finn - as his hands hover around the outside of Finn’s, which now hold the whole length of the lens of Ben’s favourite camera.

“So how do you take a shot?” Finn asks him.

“You just press the shutter,” Ben says. “Look through here…”

Ben guides Finn’s hands so that they bring the body of the camera up to his right eye, and Finn peeps through the viewfinder.

“Everything’s all blurry,” Finn says. “Is it meant to be?”

“Twist it here,” Ben says, guiding Finn’s hands so that one of them anchors the lens near the camera body and the other one turns the focal ring at the lens’s furthest end, and the lens begins to extend.

“This is definitely hot, Ben. Admit it.”

“You just have a dirty mind.”

“I do not… I have a _ romantic _ mind, Ben, and this is very romantic… It’s very romantic, extending your lens…”

“Oh my god… Point it up.”

“Huh?”

“Like this…”

Ben guides Finn’s hands so they direct the lens of the camera towards the sky, and Finn leans back against Ben and they rest together there like that for a minute; Finn looking through the lens at the clear sky above them and Ben watching him. His lips very close to Finn’s clean-shaven cheek, and Ben can smell all his beautiful smells again, and he almost forgets all about what they’re doing.

“Do you know much about them?” Finn’s saying. “Ben?”

“Huh?”

“The constellations.”

“Oh… Little bit.”

“Which ones are up there now?”

“Well… It’s August, so… You can see a whole bunch of stuff but the coolest things I think are the tail of the Scorpion… That’s _ there _ … See? And…. The lid of the teapot of Sagittarius is _ there _… See that?”

“Mm… Maybe… This lens is really cool, Ben… Can see _ everything_…”

“Yeah, I know… It was worth it… The money I spent on it... I saved up for ages.”

“Why do they call it Scorpio anyway?”

“Hm… I think it’s like… Greek mythology.”

“Sounds right...”

“_Scorpius_."

“Isn’t that Latin?”

“What? Oh, yeah… Yeah, maybe that is Latin… There’s something about Greek mythology in there though… Oh, I remember… It’s um, Orion. Orion was killed by a scorpion.”

“That’s kind of cool.”

“Being killed by a scorpion?”

“No, not that..."

Finn moves then, and Ben relaxes and Finn lowers the camera down from his eye and he turns to look at Ben.

“It’s cool that you remember that,” Finn says. “That you know stuff like that, Ben. You’re really smart.”

“You’re smart too, Finn.”

Ben gazes at Finn for a minute and then he puts his lips gently to his mouth, and Finn opens his mouth around Ben’s and they kiss. Beneath the night sky, in the dark outside the big university library. Both still holding on to Ben’s lens.


	20. Weird

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For Day 20: Weird

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's Day 20!! Woot!
> 
> At first I wasn't really sure what to write in response to this prompt but thanks must go to radioactivesaltghoul whose comments inspired the sub-plot of this read a lot.

“Sir?”

“Hey, Gianni... How can I help you, mate?”

“Ruth’s back,” he says. “I’m gonna go on lunch... Is that alright?”

“Sure, man… Oh, would you mind taking the banking today, if you’re going out anyway? I don’t think I’ll get a chance to do it.”

“No problem.”

“And take some things out for George on your way past too, yeah? Don’t think I’ll get time to do that either. This is taking longer than I thought.”

“On it.”

“Thanks a bunch.”

Finn is holding a clipboard and a scanner and there’s a pen behind his ear, which he reaches for every so often to record another figure on the clipboard. He’s stock-taking in Aisle 4 - the one with the lube - but there are also a lot of other personal items here in this aisle to be counted, and accounted for, like razors and tampons and deodorant and floss and condoms. And for some reason there are also matches and firelighters and insect candles, too. Finn doesn’t know why these are also in this aisle, they’ve just always been here. And this was the case at the other store too, it just seems to be the done thing: put flammables and personals in the same place. It’s weird.

They sell three brands of condoms in the store. Finn counts the boxes of the _ Soulmates _ line of rubbers in pairs, writes down the quantity, then picks up the first box on the shelf. Lights up the barcode with the portable scanner until he hears a beep. He studies the box for a moment and wonders if it’s also weird they haven’t really talked much about safety yet - he and Ben - because Finn has always talked to all of his partners about that, well before they’ve ever really gotten into anything. And besides, Finn does really like having those conversations. Finn likes having most conversations but especially those ones, they’re really hot. They turn him on a lot.

It’s sexy to talk about it first. History. Experience. Safety. It means you care about your partner, and they have done a tiny bit, he and Ben, just not a lot. Early on, Finn did do some checks - as much as possible, he’s not a doctor - about what he looked like, which was good, and also asked him. Asked a tiny little bit about Ben’s sexual history, and about the likelihood he might not be clean. Even though at that point Finn already had a very strong suspicion that Ben was clean, because the only sexual history he seemed to be saying he had was with himself, and Finn had been right about that; Ben had eventually confirmed it verbally, actually said that he was a virgin when Finn asked him very carefully about it some more later on that first night. So Finn feels pretty sure at the moment that Ben is clean, he's just not _ entirely _ sure he is. And Finn would like to be entirely sure. 

So ever since then Finn’s just been doing all the safety things they should be doing anyway, without making a big deal about it. Because Finn is responsible and he cares about himself and Ben, but they haven’t really talked any more about safety, apart from what they’ve been doing in the moments, but not what they should be doing when they’re not in the moments, which is to say getting tested. That’s what they really should be doing, and talking about doing, but not just talking about doing, actually doing: getting tested. And that’s what Finn really wants to do next with Ben: Finn wants to ask him to get tested.

And it’s not because he doesn’t trust Ben. Finn does trust Ben, he thinks. Finn thinks Ben might just well be one of the very most trustworthy and genuine people that Finn has possibly ever met in his whole life. And he wants so much just to give in to all that instinct he has to trust, and trust him completely like that. Trust him so much they wouldn’t have to do too much safety anymore, just the testing, as well as the more trusting of course, but for Finn, all of the safety - the protection as well as the testing and the more trusting - is still just exactly like a habit by now and will remain so until Ben gets tested at least once.

But would Ben actually go and do that? What if he’s one of those guys who never goes to the doctor, no matter how sick he is, and would therefore no way known go to a doctor of his own volition to voluntarily get tested for STIs and HIV? Perhaps what Finn really needs now - as well as to ask Ben to go and get tested - is to go there with him. Maybe they should go and get tested together, and maybe that would even be sexy, and not weird at all. Would Ben go then? With him? If Finn could convince him that it would be hot, and not weird, to go and get tested together, would he go?

Finn turns the box of condoms over in his hand absentmindedly. He knows he falls hard for people, and he also knows he’s falling damn hard for Ben, but that is happening to Ben too, isn’t it? They’re currently seeing each other every single day, and spending every single night together as well, and Finn is calling Ben during almost every lunch break. So would it be that weird to ask Ben to do something like this, with him? Too early in the relationship? Should Finn wait just a little bit longer to ask about something like this? Some guys get scared away, and Finn doesn’t want to scare Ben away, doesn’t want to smother. But talking to Ben is getting so much easier, maybe if he phrased it just right it wouldn’t be like that, wouldn’t be too much too soon. Trust is definitely there between them, Finn thinks; he left his little nephews in Ben’s care the other day, for gods' sakes.

Finn’s heart swells as the image of what Ben looked like that day, when he and his nephews showed up, returns to the fore of his mind. And then what Ben looked like still sound asleep on Finn's pillow this morning, when Finn kissed his cheek goodbye before he left to come here and put in another day's work.

Finn places the box of rubbers back on the shelf and imagines sitting in a waiting room with Ben, waiting to get tested together.


	21. Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For Day 21: Hope

“There goes another one… See it?”

“I can hear it.”

“Open your eyes… Go on...”

Finn is curled sleepily inside the big spoon of Ben’s body on the grass of the sporting ground, just down the road from their apartment block. It’s late, but it’s not late enough yet for dew that turns to frost to have collected in the grass, and the grass is still dry but it’s still cold, too. So Ben and Finn are curled together just here on the grass, in the middle of the field. Ben wears his warmest and longest trench coat - it’s made of wool - and Finn wears his sleeveless Parker, and he also wears Ben. And just a little bit of the trench coat as well because Ben has thrown one long edge of that over most of Finn’s body as they lie on their sides like this on the grass, while fruit bats glide overhead intermittently. The bats are hunting the moths. And Ben is attempting to convince Finn to watch them.

“What’s that called anyway?” Finn asks, shifting his head on Ben’s arm, but his eyes remain closed.

“What’s what called?”

“_That_… Those... You know, like... A group of bats.”

“Um…_ Colony_... I think.”

“They’re symbols of hope… Did you know that, Ben?”

“What are?” he asks. “Colonies?”

“No, silly... _ Bats_... Bats are symbols of hope…"

Ben’s lips brush Finn’s sleepy cheek, but Ben’s eyes are still on the sky. They’re bright eyes, and he is still very much awake, watching the bats while he holds Finn beneath the bats and the moths, and listens to them all.

“You know, like _ Batman_…”

Ben snorts.

“And in some cultures… Like, spiritual cultures, you know? Bats also symbolise that... Hope… Like, do you know much about spirit animals?”

“No,” Ben says. “Not really.”

“I saw this guy for awhile who was really into that kind of stuff… Spirit animals… Totems… I’m a Lion, apparently.”

“A lion?”

“Yeah.”

Finn smiles, and opens his eyes and Ben looks into them.

“You _ are _ a lion,” Ben murmurs. “You are _ so _ a lion…”

They kiss then on the grass while Ben thinks about Finn as a lion. His camera is set up just in front of them, the lens open and pointed straight up at the sky. The aperture all the way open. And the shutter speed is set to infinity. 

And when Ben develops these pictures, maybe tomorrow or the next day or the day after that, they will show the whorls the star fields above them made on this night. Dashed through with dark lines and streaks and smudges in places. Records of the paths of the bats, chasing the moths and devouring them whole. 

And if he were to turn the lens to face he and Finn there’d be them. There on the grass. Blurred in the places where they moved their bodies over each other. Hands and mouths and other things. While they lay on the grass, and took turns at the chasing and then the devouring of each other. Whole.


	22. Summer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For Day 22: Summer

They’re only in the next suburb. They’ve only gone that far, but that’s okay because it’s still fun to watch Ben get this excited about something on the inside, while outwardly pretending he’s not excited at all. Something like driving Finn somewhere in his car, even if it’s just a short drive to the next suburb.

Finn doesn’t own a car. He can drive, he just doesn’t own a car. Doesn’t need one. There is a share car he subscribes to in their neighborhood, so Finn drives that when he really needs a car, which isn’t very often because he prefers his bike anyway, and his work is close-by, and most of his friends and family are close-by, too. So Finn doesn’t own a car, but he does own a lot of other things.

But Ben - who doesn’t own many things at all - does own one really big thing and that’s a car. And Ben is proud of that car, Finn can tell. And that’s why Finn suggested they go tonight to the drive-in in Ben’s car. Because when Finn got home, and he saw Ben, well Ben seemed down. So Finn is cheering Ben up in his car while they're at the drive-in.

“That’s when you’re the cutest.”

“The _ cutest_? 

Ben stops what he’s doing and looks up at Finn. One of his big hands moves up beneath an edge of the now open shirt Finn’s wearing and Finn moves one of his own hands over to meet it there, and they interlace their fingers for a moment. Finn knows Ben likes this, finds it reassuring. And Finn finds it that way, too.

“Yes,” Finn says. “When you’re pretending you’re too cool to care about something, like how proud you are of things like this car.”

“I’m not proud of this car, it’s shit. It’ll probably fall apart before we even get home.”

Finn chuckles.

“See, this is exactly what I’m talking about… You are cute when you’re like _ this_, Ben.”

Ben grumbles again, and returns to what he was doing before Finn began explaining why he thinks Ben is as cute as he is, and Finn suspects he’s actually smiling now but doesn’t want Finn to know. Which is why he’s returned to Finn's lap. Well, most of why. Finn also knows that Ben likes doing this. He knows Ben likes doing this a lot. And Finn likes Ben doing this a lot, too. Spending time in his lap. A lot of time. A whole drive-in movie's worth of time.

“Very cute...”

“Are we even watching this shit anymore?” Ben asks, through mouthfuls.

“You chose it.”

“I thought it would be good… Jim Jarmusch movies are usually good...”

“I think it is good… We’re just not watching it.”

“You are... You’re watching it...”

“No, I'm not,” Finn says. “I’m watching you.”

Their eyes meet again.

“We should come here in summer,” Finn murmurs, still watching Ben.

“Couldn’t do this in summer,” he says, through more mouthfuls. “Car park’s too full.”

“I bet you’d still like it,” Finn murmurs. “Or… I bet you’d like me to to do it to you... Especially while a whole car park full of people was watching.”

Finn watches Ben not object at all to that idea, and instead just fill his mouth again, their eyes still met. This is another time when Ben is the cutest.


	23. Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For Day 23: Death

They are snuggled inside the bar where the poetry readings happen. Cosied-up on one of the bar’s falling-apart couches. Finn with his head on Ben’s shoulder and Ben with his lips to Finn’s temple. But there are no poetry readings here tonight. Ben and Finn are just here to cosy-up. And eat snacks and drink beer and talk, and somehow the talk has gotten around to the topic of Ben’s father because Finn just has this way of getting Ben to talk. Ben’s not quite sure how that keeps happening. But it does.

“I don’t take his calls anymore,” Ben says.

“Not at all?” Finn asks, moving his head on Ben’s shoulder and leaning back a little, and looking up at Ben from there.

Ben’s eyes fix themselves to a spot on Finn’s shirt. A spot about halfway down his sternum. 

“Not at all.”

“Did he leave her?” Finn asks.

Ben’s gaze is still fixed to the spot.

“Let’s talk about something else.”

Ben feels Finn's hand at his face, then. Soft fingers brushing the skin of his face, just beneath the lower edge of his cheekbone. He looks up from the spot he’s been fixated on, and his eyes find Finn's. Eyes as soft as Ben has ever seen them. He pulls Finn back inside his arms. 

“Okay,” Finn says, re-settling. “You choose the next topic then, yeah?”

“Do you think much about death?” Ben asks, pressing his lips to the crown of Finn’s head, and mumbling the words into his hair.

“Not too much, no,” Finn answers. “I mean, my family are religious so I guess maybe sometimes I think about what happens _ after _ death… Does that count?”

“Counts,” Ben mumbles.

“Do you believe in the afterlife?” Finn asks.

“Maybe… Maybe there’s life after death, I don’t know… I don’t get death, you know?”

“What do you mean? How can you not get death, it’s _ death. _Is there much to get?”

“I don’t know... Just that idea of not knowing something, I guess… Like, knowing it’s something you’ll have to do one day - die - but not knowing how to do it... Or how you’ll do it, how it’ll happen to you... Just… Knowing one day you’ll die. I don’t get that. That’s weird.”

“Well, I guess when you put it like that, it’s… Well yeah, weird… I guess every day is precious, huh? Like you.”

Finn shifts again and looks up at Ben and this time Ben looks right back.

“You’re precious to me, Ben. Did you know that? As precious as that. As every single day.”

Ben lowers his eyes and then his whole face, hiding his face inside the little nook that’s currently between Finn’s cheek and the inside back of the couch. It’s dark and warm and safe, and Ben just holds himself there - that position, in that place - for a minute, while still holding Finn against him, too. Holding both those things together. Because Ben’s been doing a lot of talking but suddenly he’s finding he can’t say another word. 

And maybe Finn knows that, because Finn doesn’t say another word then, either. He just moves his cheek against Ben’s, and tightens his arms around his waist. Draws Ben in a little bit more. They both draw each other closer, then. And their bodies - closer together like that - make Ben’s nook that he’s found to hide in even darker and warmer and safer than it was before.


	24. Supervillains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For Day 24: Superheroes/Supervillains.

Through the kisses Finn’s getting in bed, now he’s home - and Ben is there too, and they’re settling inside Finn’s covers for the night, but not to sleep - Finn says to Ben, “You should move in.”

“Huh?” 

Ben just keeps on kissing, but even so, Finn knows he’s listening now, more than he was before. So Finn keeps going. 

“You should move in. You know, here. Move in here with me, Ben, you’re always here anyway. It’d be really great.”

“But I don’t really need to move in here with you,” Ben says, still kissing. “I have my own place.”

“Well, yeah I know, but I mean… Well, you know... It would make sense.”

“Sense?”

“Yeah. It would make sense for you to move in. We’re sleeping together, and I care about you, so… Move in here, with me.”

“No,” Ben says, still kissing.

“Well, why not?”

“I don’t want to move in with you. I don’t need to, I live downstairs. I like it downstairs. It has the courtyard, I like that courtyard. It’s nice out there.”

“It’s full of weeds, Ben.” 

Ben stops kissing.

“So?” he says. “What’s wrong with weeds?”

“Well, they’re weeds,” Finn says. “I mean if you cared about that courtyard, weeds sure wouldn’t be growing inside it. You don’t really care about that courtyard, you don’t even hardly go into that courtyard. If you really cared about that courtyard then you would plant something in there, but there’s nothing in there but weeds.”

“Weeds _ are _ plants, Finn.”

“Weeds are _ weeds_, Ben.”

“_They’re still plants_. Weeds are still plants they’re just… Plants that are growing in the wrong place, that’s all... But they are still plants, Finn.”

“So pull them out, then. If they’re growing in the wrong place, pull them out and put something in there like a proper plant.”

“I already told you, I don’t wanna pull them out,” Ben says. “I like them. I like them growing there. They’re not weeds to me, they’re plants. _ Proper plants_. I keep try’na tell you that, but for some reason you’re not fucking listening.”

“So what you’re saying is that you stan weeds. Is that what you’re saying? You’re a weed stan? Oh my god.”

“I’m a _ what _ ? What the fuck are you even talking about, Finn? What the fuck is a _ weed stan_?” 

“Well,I'll tell you what a weed stan is Ben, it's you. _ You _ are a weed stan. You are the one who is stanning weeds and telling me that you won’t move in with me because you like weeds. That you don’t care enough about me to move in here with me because you wanna stan a bunch of weeds growing in that falling-apart courtyard down there, that you don’t even care enough about to weed. Admit it Ben, that’s what you’re saying. You don’t care enough about that thing to weed it and you don’t care enough about me to move in here.” 

Finn stares up at Ben and he stares right back down. And Finn can see it. Finn can see where every single one of the words that he just spoke has pierced Ben. Their holes mark Ben's eyes like the traces of tacking stitches, which don’t serve much of a purpose at all, they just hold things together for awhile. But nothing is holding together here anymore as the holes in Ben's eyes start to fill up with tears. And Finn’s eyes are full of holes too, and he can’t stop them either; not the words nor the tears that they’re making.

“So, what are you even still doing then, lying here in my bed?” Finn whispers. 

“Huh?”

“Get out.”

Ben gapes. “Seriously?”

“Don’t you make me say it again.”

“Finn-”

“Get out of my apartment, Ben.”

“Finn, really, I-“

“Do it… Please?”

Finn can taste salt, his cheeks are that damp, and his vision that blurred by emotion. But he doesn’t need to see in order to know the real truth of it now; that Ben’s heart is just as run-through as Finn's own, just as broken. Ben’s gone so quiet and all of his kisses have stopped. 

And Finn reaches up to grab him then, and pull him back down, and hold him so tight it would take it all back. Every single one of the hurtful words he just spoke in response to being made to feel so hurt himself. In retaliation. But all Finn takes inside his hand is air. Because Ben is good, and he only ever needs telling once when Finn asks, and Ben thinks he knows Finn means it. Ben is already off the bed by now, collecting his things and leaving Finn’s apartment for the weeds.


	25. Flowers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For Day 25: Flowers

Ben doesn’t rush up the stairs. He takes his time because this is not like the other times he’s made this trip up these stairs. It’s not even like that time he left the note below Finn’s door because he and Finn had been together by then. Not all the way together but still quite a lot. Almost all the way together. But this time is very, very different. This time, Ben thinks, he and Finn are not together at all. Not even just a little bit.

So Ben ascends the stairs slowly, and Ben’s not tipsy, he is very, very sober now - unusually sober, all things considered - so he doesn’t stumble, like he often does when he and Finn get home. When they used to get home. A little tipsy and a whole lot horny after nights spent at places like the bar, or the sporting field. Or outside the library, or on the river bank. Right now, Ben just walks up these stairs carefully, and one at a time. And he's holding it carefully, too. Laid across one forearm. Very, very carefully holding the flower he bought this afternoon for Finn.

Ben was always going to buy it, this one single flower with its beautiful head. Before last night, though, he might have just picked it. Definitely would have just picked it. Would have nicked it from somebody’s garden, he’s seen them growing. There are a lot of nice gardens around. Ben has cycled past those gardens, and sometimes walked by, too. And often, in recent times, he’s done both of those things with Finn. And they've noticed the flowers together. Marigolds, tulips, roses. And jonquils. 

But Ben would never choose jonquils for Finn, they smell terrible, nothing like Finn. But they are beautiful, exactly like him. Ben looks down at the single purple iris he did choose, and bought - didn’t nick - this afternoon, from the flower shop that is absolutely nowhere near the grocery store where Finn manages. Ben was as careful as he’s just walked the stairs not to go anywhere near Finn’s grocery store this afternoon, even though he wanted to. Desperately wanted to. Even though Ben thought about going to that goddamn grocery store every single half-hour of the whole entire day today. But Ben did not go anywhere near there to buy this one flower. He ended up at the plaza. On the other side of town.

There’s light beneath the door, Finn is home. But Ben already knew that, he knew he’d be home, because it’s pretty late now, and it’s a weeknight. It’s not too late, though. It’s not so late that Finn would be asleep yet. It’s not quite as late as that. But it is late enough for Finn to be home and for Ben to know that he’s home, and still awake. Ben knocks on Finn’s front door.

There’s music on inside. Ben can hear it through the door as he waits. It’s soft music and Ben thinks he knows what it is. Recognises the song. Thinks he’s heard Finn play that song before. It’s not a song from one of the records that Ben’s ever brought over though, when Finn’s asked him to choose a thing for them to listen to while they made out. And all of a sudden, that fact hits Ben hard. That Finn’s always asked about things like that. About things Ben likes. Ben can’t remember, though, if he’s ever done the same.

He knocks again on Finn’s front door, a little louder this time, because maybe over the music Finn couldn’t hear it, couldn't hear the first time Ben knocked. So Ben knocks again and this time the music stops. And Ben’s heart races inside his chest, and his eyes begin to dash between the light beneath the door and the handle of the door and its peephole. But nothing happens after that, except for more silence. And then the light beneath Finn’s door goes out.

So Ben just kneels. He kneels outside Finn’s door then, fixing his eyes on the space beneath it, on the gap. Where there was light a moment ago but where now it’s just dark, and growing cold. As cold as Ben is starting to feel because it’s late, and it’s still winter.

Ben lays the beautiful purple iris that he bought for Finn on the mat beneath his door. And just before he rises, to go back home alone, Ben reaches out and strokes its petals again. Just to remember what he feels like to touch because its beautiful, this flower, but it also feels so soft to touch and just as soft as Finn's skin. And then Ben walks the stairs again, slow and careful, and sad.


	26. Wedding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For Day 26: Wedding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a reminder that pretty much [this whole album](https://staticshockrecords.bandcamp.com/album/tyrannamen) completely inspires this story (the prompts just kind of lead it around). Some lyrics from this are worked into this chapter - finally got the Ice Age line in!! - because they are just so perfect for finnlo, I love this whole album.

Beneath the marquee on the damp lawn at the wedding, just before the ceremony starts, they cross paths. 

“What are you doing here?” Ben grumbles.

“I know them,” Finn mutters. “You too, huh?”

“Just Rose,” Ben concedes. “Rey I only met this one time… You remember, you were there.”

“Oh,” Finn says. He does remember that morning at the coffee shop. “Yeah, I do remember that.” 

He remembers that very well. Ben wore a suit then, too. He was breathtaking then and he is no less so this afternoon, in a tuxedo. And it pains Finn because it’s only been a few days since they fought. And all the wounds still feel raw.

Finn wears a necktie with his own fine tuxedo, and it's knotted very finely, too. But Ben’s tux is finished with a bow-tie, and that's hard to bear because Finn knows why it's finished with that, and not a necktie. Because no one was there this morning to reassure Ben that the way he had knotted his necktie was fine. No one being Finn.

“You bought me a flower,” Finn murmurs, because music is starting to play and the people in the crowd around them are beginning to hush, as the ceremony starts.

“Yeah,” Ben murmurs back. 

“You didn’t pick it. From a garden.”

“Well, I wouldn’t wanna pick you a weed now, would I? You don’t like those very much. If I buy it, I know it’s not a weed.”

Finn’s been trying to put things between himself and Ben since they fought, including his own front door, but out here in the chilly air and the atmosphere it just doesn’t seem worth it anymore - doesn’t feel worth it - to keep on quarreling with someone like Ben over things as stupid as weeds at a wedding.

“I’m sorry,” Finn murmurs. “I’m sorry, Ben.”

They’ve been facing front but now Finn turns and Ben does, too. And from inside the heart of the crowd, they face each other and Finn takes a cautious step towards Ben. And it’s just a small one, too, because there isn’t too much distance to close between them anyway. There’s not much space inside a crowd. But also because this step is less like that and much more like a gesture, the token of a step. And Finn knows Ben knows that, notices that. Ben does notice all the small things like that. It’s one of the many reasons why Finn cares so much for him. Even now, when all the wounds still feel raw.

“Why didn’t you open the door?”

But Finn just does it after Ben says that, just goes for it. Because in Finn’s eyes, and deep down in his throat, he can feel what will happen if he doesn’t try now. All of his trepidation is gone, there are no more tokenistic steps. Finn just reaches out like he always has done to Ben. Reaches out _for_ him. Until his fingers find the edges of his bow-tie. It’s settled just a little bit crooked. And Finn knows that if Ben could see that now that he would get in a fluster about it, just like he does with neckties.

“I wasn’t ready,” Finn whispers, adjusting the bow-tie and then moving his fingers from there to Ben’s face, to brush one of his thumbs across Ben’s lower lip. “But I am now.”

“You’ve said _ sorry _to me before,” Ben levels, his voice still low. “Before today, Finn, there was another time, remember that?”

“Ben, you know that time wasn’t my fault, I-.”

“That’s not the point,” Ben urges. “Whose fault it was… It’s not the point… You keep on saying _sorry_, Finn, but… But then something else happens, and then you have to say it to me all over again. And each time that happens, Finn, it _ hurts_.”

“You just tell me what you need then, baby,” Finn whispers. “Okay? Anything. If it's not a _sorry_ then whatever else you need, you just tell me what it is and I’ll do it. I’ll do it, Ben. Whatever you need me to do, I'll do it. _I'll fix it_.”

As they’ve been speaking, while the music’s been building, Finn’s hands have worked their way to Ben’s shoulders, wanting to finish at the back of his collar, and pull him in hard from there. And kiss him so deep that it would mean that the last few days would cease to exist completely. And after they did, after this Ice Age was over, Finn and Ben could stand here together in the weak sun on the damp lawn, beneath the marquee, and imagine themselves at the front of a crowd like this, and no longer quarreling inside it.

But Ben is taking Finn’s hands in his own now, and bringing them down to the sides of his fine trousers. And for a minute Ben just holds Finn there like that, as Finn’s eyes do begin to prickle at the corners because Ben’s eyes are filling up again now, too.

“I just need you to give me some time,” Ben whispers. “I need time.”

Ben lets Finn’s hands go and then Finn just watches him turn and wander away. And Finn is left on the lawn in the middle of the crowd of people. Almost all of whom he probably knows, because he and Rose have been friends for a very long time. But even so, as Ben disappears behind the marquee, Finn’s not felt this alone in weeks.


	27. Celebration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For Day 27: Celebration

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another kid-heavy chapter. Feel free to skip if you need to. This scene is between Ben and Finn's nephews, and they are all still at the reyrose wedding. (First read in which there's no time jump).
> 
> Also still sad and angsty so skip it if you don't want to read that either. Two more sad reads coming up and then they are through it, hang in there! I am also hanging in there!!

“Hi, Uncle Ben!”

He grimaces. Ben cannot cut a break today.

“Which one are you again?”

“Abraham,” says Abe. “Tyson’s over there, see?”

Finn’s nephew points to his other nephew, who’s kicking something through the long grass that’s grown up around the edges of a thicket of trees, near the fringe of the lawn behind the marquee. 

“What are you even doing back here?” Ben grouches. “Shouldn’t you be with your parents?”

“We're allowed to play. Wanna look for cabbage moths again?”

“Absolutely not.”

Ben sighs. He’s not even sure why he’s at this ceremony, he very nearly skipped it. Ben hates weddings and he’s not that friendly with Rose anymore anyway. And he certainly would have given this the very widest of berths had he known Finn would be anywhere near this place today. Running into him a few minutes ago had been awful. 

Ben crouches down and leans his head back against the outside of the marquee, closing his eyes. The sun above is weak, but it’s warm. Shining through a gap that’s formed by where one edge of the tent behind him doesn’t quite align with another. There ought to be shadow here, Ben feels, but there isn’t. Instead one slant of light creeps through an aperture which shouldn’t exist. Which wouldn’t exist, if someone had done their job properly. But Ben thinks he's grateful they didn't. This ray is kind to him now, as he tries again in vain to forget about how much he’s hurting.

“Are you okay?”

Ben opens his eyes by a fraction. The boy has meandered closer, and he’s holding something. 

“Oh… Kid... You shouldn’t have done that...”

Ben frowns at the whole plant Abe’s just uprooted from the fringe of the lawn.

“That thing was _ growing_… Put it back.”

“It’s alright, Uncle Ben. No fairies live in this one… Do you want it?”

Ben does not want a whole entire plant right now, no. But he just can’t seem to say that to Finn’s nephew, who’s holding it out towards him. So he does take it. And he holds the flowering end of it beneath the winter sun, watching the colours of each of the petals as they catch in the beam. “_Dandelion_…”

“It’s a flower,” Abe says. “Uncle Ben?”

“Mm?”

“Why are you here by yourself? Why aren’t you with Uncle Finn? He’s here too, you know.”

Ben sighs, his eyes still on the dandelion.

“I’m just taking a break for a minute... I don’t really like weddings that much, I guess.”

“Maybe they had a big fight.”

Ben looks up. Tyson has stopped kicking whatever he was kicking in the long grass by the trees and has wandered over to join his brother. And now both the boys are eyeing Ben, and he can almost hear the minds behind those eyes working overtime to think up even more terrifyingly unpredictable questions to ask him now, like they always seem to do. He's like a walking target.

”Well,” Ty’s saying. “_Did_ you have a big fight?”

“_Tyson_," Abe warns. "_Don't_...”

Ben tries to tune their bickering out by focusing on the dandelion again. If no one was back here, behind the marquee, Ben would throw this thing so far away right now, with so much force, it might break the sound barrier, or launch itself up into space. That’s how Ben feels about this thing, about this whole fucking day. This whole fucking weekend.

He clenches his jaw and tries to make his heart stop wrenching at the memory of the night this flower is so painfully reminding him of right now. The night Finn told him that he was a lion, and Ben had agreed. Ben had fucking agreed. Why didn’t he just fucking agree? None of this fucking shit would be happening if he’d just fucking agreed.

“Don’t cry, Uncle Ben.”

He wipes his face with the back of his hand and stands, dropping the weed to the lawn in the process. It’s not a thing he means to do, it just slips from his hand. Just happens.

“People aren’t always happy, okay?” Ben seethes. “You should go back and find your parents.”

“They’re still listening to the wedding," Abe says.

"Why do you hate weddings so much, anyway?" Ty asks. "Are you still in love? Even though you had a big fight?”

“_What_?"

"Well, are you?"

"Oh my god… How in the f…? How do you even know about things like this? Huh? About… About big fights and... And things like _ being in love_? Your seven years old for f-”

“Everybody knows about things like that, Uncle Ben," Abe says. "Don’t you read stories? Uncle Finn reads us stories, a lot of stories. Not about big fights, but... About falling in love. Uncle Finn is in love with you.”

“Yeah,” Ty says. "He told us so at bowling."

“Tyson! Abraham!”

“Coming!”

Ben watches them race away. Back towards their mother’s voice. Back to the celebration. And Ben crouches back down to the ground behind the marquee, nothing short of absolutely felled by what he’s just been told by a pair of seven-year-olds.


	28. Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For Day 28: Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The tragedy continues...

“Are you _ Finn_?”

“I am indeed.”

He opens the front passenger door of the Uber and offers his hand to the driver, whose ID is displayed on the dash. “Good to meet you... _Poe_. Pop the trunk for me?”

The driver nods. Finn walks his luggage to the back of the sedan, lifts his heavy bags inside with ease and shuts the boot. He returns to the front and sticks his head inside the cabin.

“I got one more bag to bring out. That alright?”

“You’re payin’,” the driver replies, tapping the metre and giving Finn a wink. “Take all the time you need.”

“Cheers, mate.”

Finn releases the door and returns for the suitcase he left at the foot of the stairs in the courtyard. He reaches down for the handle and extends it. Then he begins to trundle his case away from the stairs and back towards the street and the waiting car.

“You moving out?”

Finn could just keep on walking. Ben would probably want that, wouldn’t he? He made himself clear at the wedding. He wanted time. And he’d walked away from Finn, so Finn knew that meant he wanted space as well. How much of those things does he want, though? Finn's not sure.

He slows as he wonders, and the rhythmic roll that the wheels of his suitcase make along the path slow, too. Until they both lag so much they halt. It's almost subconscious, that halt. Finn didn't really plan to stop, but he has. And he knows this stop can only be for a minute. _Must_ only be for a minute. That’s all he’ll allow, just one minute. Because the meter on the car that’s waiting outside is still ticking, but - more to the point - Finn knows that the longer he stops here the harder it will be to keep going. To re-start. To actually leave the apartment block this morning and get to where Finn needs to go. Where he's resolved to go.

He turns around and faces Ben, immediately wishing he hadn’t. Familiar tugs begin in familiar places. Ben looks as good to Finn as Finn thinks he ever has. Finn sighs.

“No,” he says to Ben. “I’m not moving out.”

“Looks like that from here,” Ben mumbles. “You’ve got all that luggage, you must be going somewhere.”

“Vacation,” Finn says. “With my family... Get away from the cold, you know?”

Ben nods. “So... Somewhere north, then? Is that where you’re going?”

“The beach."

"Oh."

"Do you like the beach?”

“No."

Finn smiles just a little bit. “I probably should’ve guessed that, huh?”

Ben just shrugs his enormous shoulders. Finn wishes he could hold them.

“Do you swim there?” Ben asks. "In the ocean?”

“No," Finn answers, his mind still on Ben's shoulders. "There’s a pool... We swim there... We sea-kayak on the ocean, though.”

“Sea-kayak?”

“Yeah. Ever done that?"

“Fuck, no.”

Finn's smile grows. “That would sure be a sight, though… With those shoulders of yours, you sea-kayaking...”

Ben’s cheeks flush and he lowers his eyes. 

“You should try it sometime,” Finn hazards. “Or… Coxing.“

Ben looks up. “What?”

“_Coxing_… Someone’s in back, lazing around, giving instructions… While someone else is in front, doing all the hard work.”

“You think I’d be better at that?”

“I know you’d be good at both, Ben.”

Ben’s blush deepens, but he doesn’t avert his eyes this time.

“I could definitely see you in back,” Finn says. “Like in a gondola, you know? But a gondola on the sea… Parasol over your head… But a sea one... A sea-parasol... Lying back, under the clear blue sky… Your eyes closed while I sea-kayak you around like a sea-gondolier...” 

They stare at each other for a minute. The smile is still on Finn's face and his heart beats so loudly now he wonders if Ben can hear. It’s all Finn can hear, the pounding in his ears of his own longing, eclipsing even the sounds of the traffic along the street outside. But only until Ben says,

“I don’t think so, Finn.”

His face falls and his heart falls too, right through his stomach, past his toes. Finn's heart sinks itself deep down beneath the earth.

“I better go," he breathes. "There’s a car waiting for me outside...”

“You shouldn't miss the sea-kayaking.”

“No.”

“Best to go.”

“I could really see that, though,” he whispers to Ben, as he reaches for the handle on his suitcase. “I really could... It was so clear in my head just then, Ben, it really was...”

He turns around and starts the walk back to the gate, his whole heartless body feeling right now like the heaviest thing he’s ever had to lug out to an Uber.

“You never told me that, Finn.”

He stops.

“You never told me those words. You never said them. Never once did you say those words to me, Finn. Never.”

Finn doesn’t turn around this time to face Ben. Maybe it’s easier for him to talk like this, _really_ talk. If Finn’s not watching, just for once, not making him blush so hard he can’t think of what he really wants to say.

“Which words?” Finn murmurs, still not looking at Ben, just in case. But also - just in case - Finn loosens his grip on the handle of his suitcase.

Ben says nothing further though, and Finn’s eyes are prickling again. He’s so worn by that feeling, it’s part of the reason he’s going away. To try to get away from that feeling. And Ben is still mute behind him. 

So Finn’s lonely hand strengthens its hold on the handle and he completes the walk back up the path then, like he always knew he would. This was only ever meant to take a minute, just one. Finn leaves. He’s in turmoil, just like Ben, but Finn does it. Finn walks through the gate and out to the waiting car.


	29. Height Difference

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For Day 29: Height difference

There are thirty-nine altogether. Thirty-nine prints. They only shot a roll of thirty-six exposures but somehow Ben has ended up laying out thirty-nine silver gelatin prints on the concrete. Sometimes that just happens with negatives, though. You get a few more than you need.

The imagery varies. Some of the shots depict starfields they saw above the sporting ground, and the library. Others show clumsy views of the handles of Finn’s bike, or his knees, or views of a distant, urbanised horizon. Things Ben helped Finn capture views of while he tried to teach him how to take pictures. And one of the pictures is of Ben. And that’s the one Ben picks up now off the concrete.

Finn took this shot all on his own. There was no helping out from Ben. But even if there had been that, Ben still could not have taken this shot, although not because it’s a picture of himself. 

Ben can take pictures of himself, all on his own, just fine. He’s got a tripod and a cable release, and it’s easy to set up those things for self-portraiture, and sometimes Ben does do that. But the shots he ends up with are not like this. Ben could try to take a thousand shots like this, but none of them would ever come close to being anything like it.

The angle contributes somewhat to that. It’s low, and shot from Finn’s viewpoint. So Ben’s looking down because of their height difference. And the movement contributes something, too; most of Ben’s face is just blur. His wide mouth a broad gash and his eyes bright spots. But that very ineptitude - that exact evidence of no real understanding at all of how to use a manual SLR camera correctly - is more like the real reason why Ben could not take this shot of himself. Because this shot wasn’t taken by somebody with the intention of doing something like that. Of capturing an image perfectly.

Ben knew on the night this picture was taken that Finn didn’t care about f-stops. Didn’t really care about understanding the manual light meter, or why it was so important. Wasn’t fussed either about accounting for movement, or whether or not he was compensating properly for it, or for low light. And Ben knew Finn still didn’t really know how to stabilise a camera either, hadn’t practised enough at that yet. Because that took practise: using the body as a tripod. Holding it close to a concaved chest, securing it in there tight. And breathing out while you pressed down on a very slow shutter. Doing all that took a lot of practise, but again Ben knew Finn didn’t really care. 

Because this shot wasn’t taken by someone who was taking a photograph. This shot was taken by someone who was taking a photograph of Ben. It was taken because the person taking it knew him, and knew who he was on this night. Knew how he felt then, and how to make him feel that. And that same person knew then too, exactly how they felt about Ben. At that very same time. 

And that’s the real reason why Ben could never take this shot. It’s not because he knows so much about photography, and Finn doesn’t really know anything. It's because Ben could never see himself in the way this shot portrays him: happy. There is only one person on the earth who could do that these days. Who could portray Ben as that. Who could see Ben as that. As happy.

And there are two things, besides the thirty-nine prints Ben’s just laid out here in the courtyard, that Ben brought out with him into it tonight. One of them is a lighter. When Ben first found these prints - very purposefully buried under a bunch of random things he never looks at - the first thought he had was to burn them all. To make a sad-as-all-hell pyre out here in the courtyard and feed it thirty-nine photographs, one at a time. Because when he found these pictures, maybe an hour or so ago inside, Ben knew they were the very last things he could live with right then. Photographic memories of Finn. 

But as Ben’s sat out here in the relative darkness, on the upturned milk crate he keeps out here for sitting on in relative darkness, the solitude and the urban kind of quiet out here have seeped inside his soul, and calmed it a little bit since. And the melodramatic vandal in him has cut him some slack, and let the lighter be the first thing Ben laid down on the concrete, just before each one of the thirty-nine silver gelatin prints. 

Ben is still holding on to the picture of himself that Finn took, though. He’s still staring at this happy version of himself, that he could never even find alone, and let alone capture. Here in Ben’s hand is not just some memory, it's proof. That there was a night he spent with someone, and during that night - during all those nights, and all those fucking days in between them, too - Ben was happy. And also Ben was in love. And Ben has been that way for weeks: in love. Ben's still in love.

He reaches inside the back pocket of his jeans for his phone, the other thing Ben brought out here tonight. The only thing he needs. Ben finally makes the call to the person who took the picture. The person he was in love with then, and who he's still in love with now. Finn.


	30. Pining

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For Day 30: Pining

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The second last read!!
> 
> There is no time jump at all between this read and the previous one. It's Ben's phone call.

“Hello? Are you there?”

“Yeah, I just… I can’t believe you called me… Are you okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Is something wrong there?”

“No.”

“You just called me?”

“Yeah.”

“And you definitely meant to?”

“Yeah.”

“Like, you didn’t just pocket dial me or something? You definitely-“

“Yes, Finn. Fuck… I meant to call you, alright? I fucking agonised over it, for like… I don’t know, an hour or something? I definitely meant to call you, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Do you want me to hang up, though? ‘Cause I will if you want-“

“No! Do not hang up the phone Ben, please don’t hang up-”

“Okay, I’m not hanging up, just… I’m here, okay? I called you... So, that means I won't hang up.”

“Okay... I’m just very glad you called me... I didn't expect you to… But I am very glad you did, so... Well, what’s up, then? Like… How are you doing? What are you doing? Now. What are you doing now?”

“I was just looking at pictures. Looking at some pictures.”

“Pictures? What, do you mean like porn? Those kinds of pictures?”

“No! Pictures of you... I was looking at some pictures of you, and… Well some other pictures, too. Not porn, though. Just… Normal pictures.”

“Porn is normal, Ben... It’s completely normal to look at pornography so long as everybody in it is of age and consenting.”

“It’s not pornography, okay? I am not looking at porn... And I’m not saying that because there’s something wrong with porn, I’m just not looking at pornography, Finn. Really... Don’t you remember the pictures we took? Those times when we took pictures? You know, photographs? Photography?”

“Of course I remember that, Ben, I was teasing... I’m sorry.”

“Don’t do that again.”

“I won’t… I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry, too.”

“You don’t need to be sorry, Ben… Baby… You don’t need to be sorry... Are you still there?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay… Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah… I'm sure I'm okay... It's just that... Finn?”

“Yes, baby?”

“I miss you.”

“Oh, shoot… Baby, I miss you too, I miss you so much... Oh, man… Baby, I miss you so much, I wish you were here, that’s how much I miss you... I wish so much you were here, it’s driving me crazy… I don’t think I’ve stopped thinking about you at all since I left… Baby, I shouldn’t have left… I shouldn’t have left you there.“

“Yes, you should have, Finn... You should have, and... Well, I didn't stop you.”

“You let me go, Ben... You let me just leave.”

“But it… Seemed like you wanted to… You wanted to leave... You wanted to go sea-kayaking… Are you still there? Are you still listening?”

“Yeah... I am still here listening, Ben... Ben?”

“Yeah?”

“I still miss you... Ben?”

“I think... I’m falling in love with you, Finn.”

“Oh, f… I f… I am so falling in love with you too, Ben… Holy f-”

“I can’t stop thinking about you… And every time I try you just come back to me… Back inside my head… And I try so hard… Like… I’ve tried so hard… I can’t do it… My… Heart is full of just you, Finn... All the time… All the fucking time… And you are so far away... I don’t even know where you are now… You still listening?”

“Yes... Do you... Really want to know where I am now, Ben?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because… I would go there... If I knew where to go… If I knew where to go to find you, I would go there, Finn.”

“You really would?”

“Yes.”

“All the way to here, Ben, you would come here?”

“Faster than you could ever know… Faster than… Like... Lightspeed, Finn.”

“Faster than that?”

“So fucking fast… So fucking fast.”

“Well... You better then, Ben… You had better come… And get it… You had better come and get it... ‘Cause it’s pretty hot now... So, you had better come that fast and get it, Ben... Before it gets cold, baby… Before it gets cold.”


	31. There Was Only One Bed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For Day 31: There was only one bed.
> 
> Warning: This chapter contains a happy-as-all-hell ending, extreme making-out, and love confessions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just completed Writer's Month! It has been an absolute pleasure to participate in this project. It has really saved my days many times over in the last month which has been busy as hell. This is peak-time in my job and a time of serious emotional stress and writing daily, just little drabbles, and getting to think about a ship i love so much in those times has been such a wonderful escape from reality this past month. Thank you Mods for developing this project (and most especially just opening it up to any ship) and for all your hard work re-blogging this but also everybody else's stuff as well.
> 
> Also thank you to everyone who's had a look at bits and pieces of this fic during the past month. Special thanks to readers leaving kudos (means a lot!), the silent readers (:*) and extra special thanks to leoba and radioactivesaltghoul for encouraging me in comments and contributing to the development of the story. Without you this would not have been as fun or easy as it has been, and I want you to know that forever <3 
> 
> I hope you enjoy the final read in the story proper! There will be some epilogues and supplementary reads in the next month adding some details to parts of the timeline and tying off some loose ends. If you have a prompt that fits this AU I'd love to hear about it! Please send it [here via Curious Cat.](https://curiouscat.me/Jesssssahh?t=1560804760)
> 
> I'm @jesssssahh on Twitter if you'd like to get in touch. I farking love you!!

Ben cuts the engine. It’s so easy, though, because he can see Finn already wearing nothing but a pair of red swim shorts, and standing, waiting - beaming - on the side of the car park that’s closest to the beach. Behind him is a view of the ocean, over which the late mid-afternoon sun is shining in a sky so clear it’s as blue as Ben’s seen it in days. And Ben has left his car pretty damn fast but Finn’s moved even faster. And much later on, when Ben thinks back to what happens now, he might just lose the next thirty minutes - or maybe even a whole entire hour - doing nothing now but kissing Finn.

Tasting him again is like the most delicious piece of cake Ben can imagine - maybe Bee Sting - after a whole month without any sugar at all, including all kinds of alcohol and Japanese mayonnaise. It isn’t just a feeling confined to his mouth, as Finn’s lips touch his own again for the first time in almost a whole week. Or as those lips hold and then suck away at his own very needy lower one, or as they open around his whole entire mouth, just before Finn's tongue licks the tip of Ben’s. None of that is felt by just Ben’s mouth.

It isn’t even bodily, this kiss they share now. Even though it _ so _ is. It is so bodily that Ben can feel every inch of himself yearning to lock itself up with Finn’s in as many places as it’s possible for them to do that. Ben’s hands can’t hold him close enough. His arms can’t hold him tight enough. And his hips certainly cannot hope to press themselves hard enough against Finn’s now. And every time Ben moves against his body it’s as though Finn can read his mind, and balance him, complement him. Their movements are unified, and this reunion is messy and desperate and urgent, but it is still just like a dance they’ve practised forever. And Ben sure as hell can’t dance, but he sure as fuck can kiss Finn. 

Like the darkness and solitude of the courtyard last night, this kiss finds its way inside Ben’s very soul, and lights it up. Like the flame he could have unleashed but never let burn, last night as he stared at the thirty-nine pictures on the concrete, Finn is a spark that bright. Finn is the brightest spark in Ben’s whole life right now, and as he kisses Finn, Ben finally really knows that, understands it. With his whole entire self, mouth and body and soul, he knows he loves this man with all his heart. And he probably always will.

Ben opens his mouth around Finn’s again, his hands cupping his cheeks and holding them. Tilting his face. Watching Finn’s eyes flutter as he kisses Ben back. And then slowly, Ben withdraws his mouth just a little, still holding Finn’s face in place. But gently, now. Leaving between their mouths just enough room for them to speak.

“I love you,” Ben says. “I fucked up that other time… That time at your apartment-”

“Ben, we’ve-”

“Just listen for a minute? Please?”

“Okay.”

“I need help, Finn... There are things I want... And wanna do… But I can’t do them by myself… There are things in my life that I want but I need help with them... I don’t know how to do them on my own… Things like the courtyard… The weeds, and… And all the other shit out there… I wanna clean it up... And I wanna travel… I wanna make that courtyard nice, and fix the whole apartment up and put a tenant in there or something, you know? And plan a trip… A photography trip maybe, like… Go to the Arctic Circle before it’s gone… Can you… Finn… Do you... Do you want any of those things, too?” 

“Ben,” Finn says, “I just want someone to share the rest of my life with, I don’t really mind where I am while I’m sharing it… Those particulars… I don’t really mind about... But what I do mind, what I do care a lot about, is that I’m sharing something with someone… And that’s what I want... It's what I’m looking for... A partner... Does that make sense?”

“So much,” Ben breathes. “So much sense, Finn… Everything you ever say makes so much fucking sense to me… I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Ben… Baby… For a long time, too, I just… I just didn’t wanna freak you out… I thought you might have freaked out… People freak out… ”

“You think I freak out?”

“Well… Yeah… Sometimes you do wear your heart on your sleeve, if you know what I mean, but I love that about you… I always have… And I think… I think I always will, too…”

“Finn?”

“Yes?”

“Are there too many people here to… You know…”

“Fuck in the car park?” Finn whispers.

Ben didn’t think it was possible to get harder than he is right now, but hearing Finn say that just then has set a new personal benchmark. And all Ben can manage in response is a nod.

“There’s no one around really, baby, they’re all down on the beach,” Finn says, smiling. “But there’s only one bed in the bedroom I sleep in… All the other rooms are being shared by everybody, but… Well, that is a lot more private, that bedroom with only one bed... Would you like that better? Get out of this sunshine, just for a minute or two… And… ”

“Might take longer than a minute or two,” Ben whispers.

“Might.”

“Might take ‘til tomorrow.”

“First day of Spring, tomorrow.”

“Perfect time to start something,” Ben murmurs, wondering now if they could even make it out of the car park. It’s seeming increasingly doubtful.

“Perfect time to _ re-start _something,” Finn says, leaning back as Ben’s lips find the smooth skin of his neck, and Ben's tongue begins to lick beneath his ear while Finn closes his eyes and tilts his face up towards the sky, letting the rays of the almost-Spring sun witness the rest.


End file.
